I've read a lot of these AIBU and always go for the ones relating to coping with Mum's, because I feel like my own mum is really difficult. Ive spent a lot of time wondering how much I can put up with. But now I have a fiancé and a 6 month old, priorities have changed.
She's fallen out with my fiance, this happened because he had an outburst of anger in front of her. She knew that he had these from time to time but hadn't ever seen it. Since we had our baby he didn't cope initially. He used to shout when he was woken up, and have little patience for me when I was PN depression. He has addressed the shouting and anger issues in talking therapy. Since he had an outburst in front of my mum it hasn't happened again. I think that her reaction has possibly helped in a way, since then she has barely spoken to him, avoids him and says rude things about him and his family.
His behaviour was unacceptable as a dad, and I won't stay with him if it continues - he knows this- and there hasn't been anymore outbursts. This was 3 months ago.
He does bottle feeds, we where on a bottle every 3 hours for sometime due to baby born 6 weeks early. He changes nappies and he engages with baby, yes he's lazy and I feel like I am the more dedicated and engaged parent. But, I don't think this is uncommon after talking about partners with other mums and friends. So I've accepted that he's not perfect but he's got a lot of qualities and he loves me and baby.
my mum used to have outbursts like this when we where growing up, and she would scream verbal abuse at us. She has rewritten the past to defend her behaviour " how do you think it felt for me to see you happy with your dad" my dad didn't do anything wrong btw. She has isolated herself from anyone and everyone she knows, she is paranoid about her neighbours and this has led to her moving up and down the country every 5 approx years. She is passive aggressive towards people she falls out with, she moves somewhere new and falls in love with it, only to then decide that everyone is against her because she is an "intelligent middle class graduate". Also that the community is ignorant people who she could never get along with because she is so intelligent . She makes friends and thinks their amazing life long friends, then too decide they are using her and she "isn't going to be a victim and put up with this shit anymore". She has done this with various communities up and down the country and with many people. So there's the back story. There is a lot more but this is a nutshell. Me and my sibling think she could be undiagnosed personality disorder. My sibling doesn't have much patience and falls out with her and spends months not seeing or speaking to her. What made me write this was something she said today. She said that I get off on being the only person who could ever be with my partner because no one else could be with him because he's so awful. She said it was like my siblings friends who are engaged R and C. C has ASD and my mum said R is only with him because she gets off on being the only person who can handle him. She hasn't met this couple which makes me wonder what about the conversation that led to this. "Gets off" is her words btw.
I don't think I've covered her behaviour very well but this is the best I can do right now.
how bad is her behaviour, I don't know what I want to hear, but please share any similar scenarios and how you cope 🧡xxx