How do you know what you want? Relationship / future

[whoknows345]

I’m 40. Divorced. I have a young child.

I’ve been seeing someone for around 14 months. We live 2 hours drive away from one another so see each other for a couple of days every 2 weeks. Sometimes 3 days at a time.

Our lives are very different in terms of work, and living situation, wages, ambition etc.

I’m not sure if I see a long term future. I’ve recently spoken to her about this and we need to discuss it further.

I’m not sure I can picture myself living with someone again. But I realise I feel a bit sad at the thought of growing old alone. I wonder if I met someone else I would feel different or if I’ll always feel like this.

Will I date someone for a year and realise I don’t see a future with them?
I don’t know what I want from writing this. I was speaking to a couple today who are planning to live together and it sounded lovely how they were talking about their plans and it sort of dawned on me that I may never have that again.

I think it’s more difficult to live with someone else the longer you get.…

I would never live with someone else now… I’m happy with my own company and my own home alone!

don’t let the other couples dreams and aspirations make you doubt yourself.

It doesn't sound like you're very compatible with the person you are currently seeing, but it doesn't mean that you won't have a partner and live with someone again.

I think once you’re divorced with kids it’s normal to question the need to co habit in another relationship. It can be disruptive for the kids. You don’t necessarily plan on having more kids, so that “need” to live together is gone.

I’m divorced with a 6 year old. I don’t think I’ll want to live with someone again. I don’t want the upheaval for DD but also my home is my space after a horrible divorce and I couldn’t bear anything to happen again to make me lose my home again. When dating, it has dawned on me that other people don’t feel like this, so I haven’t dated for a while. Feel sad about it sometimes but I like my own space and my life now I like it.

You need to have an honest conversation about life goals. You don’t really see each other often enough to judge how you’d combine your lives whether it’s living together or separately. This is more like dating than a relationship.
I’ve had similar previously except there wasn’t honesty on both side about what life goals were. I left to find someone more compatible with the life I wanted. And because he treated me incredibly badly.
The fact you’re asking this question shows you have doubts. Don’t drag it out too long.

You know that this relationship has come to an end or you wouldn’t be making this post.

I wouldn’t make any hasty decisions about how you feel about the future. Assuming your child is young, you might be really recently divorced.

Give yourself some breathing space focus on your child And maybe consider a relationship relationships when you’re in a position to combine your lives more.

I wish you 10 years ago, How it is, how I see things and how it feels is so very different now

@Elektra1
Yrs it’s similar for me really. The divorce was horrendous. Truly awful. And my home is now my safe space. I never want to be in a position again where I could ever lose it. I would never share financials again and can never imagine being married again. Mainly because of all the financial implications if it didn’t work out.