To be suddenly panicking about SEN Childs future?

[Lavatime]

I've somehow never thought about it much- probably because when he was in primary school he just seemed so little the idea of him as an adult was so far away.
Now he is 12 and in year 8 and I'm getting worried, he has autism and adhd. He is intelligent in certain areas but it's almost pointless for him because he just can't focus. He can't be focus enough to put any time into learning things. I try to get him interested in things and I try to facilitate his interests- e.g he wanted a 3d printer for ages so I got him one thinking it would be a good hobby- he just prints out the pre made things and despite me showing him how to design and print his own things he just doesn't want to spend the time to do so.
He's such a smart, kind, sweet boy and I'm so worried he isn't going to be able to meet his potential and manage independently in life.
he won't take medication for adhd, he can't tolerate the side effects and I think this is what would be the biggest help but he just won't

YANBU to want the best for your DS and for him to fulfil his potential to the best of his abilities.

But at the same time, he's still 12, and 12 year olds are crap at sticking to things - even NT kids, and even things they're interested in. If he's using the 3D printer to do the pre-printed things then he is getting enjoyment from it and that's a really good start. If he wants to go further with it then he will do so in his own time.

How is he with life skills? Can he get himself a simple snack and a drink, brush his own teeth, remember to wash? These are the big issues for living independently (and the ones I'm currently panicking about for my DC!)

@LavatimeI could have written this, he sounds very similar to my DS who is 13 and I’m terrified about his future.

There are many different types of adhd medications these days.
Have you tried none stimulant?

He wouldn't do any of those things without prompting, he can get himself a drink but he most of the time wouldn't think to.
I think I'm just a bit shocked that as he's getting older the difference between him and other children his age is becoming bigger. I always kind of assumed his level of need was quite low and now I think I've just been delusional. He goes to a sen school and it's lots of opportunity for all types of learning and activities but he just doesn't seem to engage with anything that the other children do.