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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Asked boyfriend to not vape in house

5 replies

minimine · 09/10/2025 21:05

My new boyfriend has stayed at my house a few times and has also been in my car. At first, I was okay with him vaping in both and said it was fine, but the more I think about it the less I like it. It doesn’t smell like cigarettes (it’s cherry flavour or something) but I know it clings to carpets and furniture just like smoke does, so it’s really put me off. I don’t smoke, so I’d prefer to keep both areas smoke / vape free. He’s stayed over tonight and I asked him if he could go outside to vape, and he got a bit defensive saying I didn’t care before so why now. I didn’t think about it properly then but now I’ve done my research it’s made me feel gross. AIBU? Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
minimine · 09/10/2025 21:06

I don’t smoke or vape btw

OP posts:
Sassylovesbooks · 09/10/2025 21:12

I wouldn't allow someone to smoke a cigarette in my house or my car, so for me, vaping would be no different. It's your home/car and you're entitled to change your mind. Tell him, that you've simply changed your mind, and going forward, please could he vape in the garden and you don't want him vaping in your car either. The choice is his, he either respects your boundaries and complies or decides your rules are too much for him to handle and walks away. You're not saying he can't vape, just not in your home or car, it shouldn't be a huge deal for someone reasonable.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 09/10/2025 21:16

How new of a boyfriend is he? And your house, your rules

Solost92 · 09/10/2025 21:16

DP wasn't allowed to vape in my house and now we have a house together he's not allowed to vape in that either. Although sometimes he does when no one is here. He also doesn't vape in the car with me or the kids in it but I know he does when he's alone. The smell doesn't linger like fags do. I can't smell it at all. I usually can't even smell it on him.

"I was trying to be welcoming but it makes me uncomfortable and I don't like vaping in my house, so if you want to vape here you have to go outside."

AcquadiP · 09/10/2025 21:18

Personally, I can't stand the smell of vapes and I wouldn't allow vaping in my house or my car so I completely understand where you are coming from. The bottom line is it's your house and your car so you make the rules. Just tell him that the smell lingers and you don't want it to effect your carpets, furnishings, car upholstery etc. In addition, inhaling second hand vape isn't healthy which is why businesses don't allow it in their offices. If he works, he will be accustomed to going outside to vape so why not do so at your house? If he isn't willing to respect your wishes, then I'd be kicking him to the curb.

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