Feel like my son doesn’t like me

[Daisydoo73]

Hi my son is 6, he has always been a daddy’s boy, his dad is amazing with him and they have such a strong bond. I’ve always been insecure about being a mum and worried my son doesn’t like me ( I know that sounds absolutely pathetic ) . A few years ago I struggled with these thoughts and my mental health, my son has adhd and possible autism and even got permanently excluded from school, he’s always lashed out and it’s been really hard to deal with his behaviour at times.
I feel like my son pushes me away in the day when I try cuddle him and give him affection, sometimes he will let me but with his dad he’s constantly giving him affection or wanting him dad ( his dad does has been in and out of work throughout son being young ) so it’s not even like it’s the end of the day and dad comes home because a lot of the time dad is home. My son will call for me in the middle of the night for a cuddle and I end up sleeping in his bed all night cuddling him. I just feel like I’ve not done a good enough job as he doesn’t want any affection from me in the day

I think the telling thing is that it's you he wants when he wakes up in the night...the time when he probably feels the most lonely and vulnerable. You're his safe space by the sound of it. Just keep on being there for him.

I don’t know about ASD stuff but it sounds like Dad is the parent of choice when things are going well but Mum is the default when something is not right.

He knows where you are when he needs you and he knows he will get what he needs. You have done a good job at being mum. Just take things at his pace.

It is easy for parents of autistic children to feel like they are not doing a good job, or that their DC don't like them. I had this worry with DS2. We are now incredibly close and I am in no doubt that he loves me and I love him. But when he was young he didn't express it at all. he hated cuddles and went rigid in my arms. Sometimes he even seemed to prefer strangers to me, and definitely went through a daddy phase. But I just kept finding ways to connect with him and took good care of him and as he grew older, he realised and appreciated it.