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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Are there lots of men who can't really be bothered with dating and relationships?

1 reply

Sunshine386 · 09/10/2025 12:29

I've been on dates with men who suggest meeting again on the date, I say yes, we text daily but sometimes no date is asked for again, I inevitably get bored of the texting after a week and often stop. To me endless chit chat with no meeting is a bit of a waste of time. Does anyone else have this? Many single men can't really be bothered and just want to text on whatsapp.

I'm on the apps because I'd like to find a relationship. But men seem just fairly passive and not too fussed about having a proper relationship. They complain about these apps but really I think they are a hobby and they want to remain on them. Sure I get that not everyone is for you but for men who are just on the apps and not finding anyone right, surely there is some avoidance of intimacy going on. What gives with this behaviour? Do people just want to be alone and spend their time working and on lone hobbies?

I get that dating and relationships are a two way street and I could suggest further dates, but in instances where I've put in extra effort in the very beginning before it has ended up with me driving the relationship from then on and them just going along with things, which I don't want - I think in hindsight these were probably avoidant or emotionally unavailable men.

OP posts:
Brightbluesomething · 09/10/2025 13:11

There are a lot who want the thrill of the chase, to put minimal effort in and move onto the next one if anything is starting to look like it’s serious or commitment might be needed. Tons want a penpal to boost their ego. Some are married, others incapable of a relationship. Some are just not that into you and you’re a placeholder whilst they look for someone better.
It’s a numbers game to wade through this and find someone decent. Especially in my age bracket when the available ones are guys other women have left because they’re dreadful. Or cheats.
You’ve got to be resilient and set boundaries. Don’t lower your standards or get too emotionally invested.

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