Hello. Don’t know where to start but I feel at a total loss if I’m honest and beside myself …
I’m 9 months post partum. Me and partner (now recent ex) have our own houses. We was in the process of sorting living together out but I pulled away from it due to his behaviour.
When I was pregnant he was just horrible if I’m honest. There was glimpses of niceness and support but never lasted long. He was cruel over anything. Example I got a parking ticket I was heavily pregnant and he told me I was a wanker, does the law not apply to me it was horrible. Told me the baby would have no life with a person like me. I went to mc Donald’s and he told me I ordered too much and a normal person wouldn’t eat that much. Just general cruel stuff all the time.
anyway. I do all the night feeds. Baby still doesn’t sleep through. I work from home with baby with me (I don’t mind I want him with me) I keep the house going everything. I also have 3 other children from a previous relationship. They are my world and love new baby.
he tells me I’m a shit lazy mum (even though I never stop as u can imagine) obviously this is my 4th baby and I did put some baby weight on admittedly. Before baby I was a size 10. I’m now a 12/14. He tells me if I got off my arse I’d lose weight? But I’d still be a wanker. He tells me my looks have faded he tells me I’m a loser and that our son will never have a normal good life with me. He tells me my daughters will end up slags like me and that I should start sucking d* for money. Honestly awful. It’s just relentless. And I’m drained. May I add when I let him he was just amazing.
hell do all this then he’ll tell me I’m the best mum ever. The love of his life. Don’t know which to believe anymore.
this is only a few examples. He’s just so so angry. Always flipping out. So I’ve not let him have our son now for weeks. He says he’s angry because not seeing our son affects him badly?? But this is WHY I can’t let him go.
he tells me I’m better off dead. He says it’s my mum and dad’s fault I’m how I am for raising a cunt. (My mum and dad are wonderful people and have been together since they were 16. They are now 65)
Ive began to hate myself. I hate my body. I hate my face. Don’t want to eat anymore so I’m skinny again. I’m exauhsted from from doing life on my own and him telling me how shit I am.
I can’t hand my baby over to an angry man. He threatens me with social services. You name it. He does anything and everything to scare me. I just don’t know what to do or where to go from here.
ive told my family and they are naive and don’t take it very serious. Just feel so alone I really do.
I try my best for the kids. I do nothing for myself and he tells me I’m a scummy mum and calls me a pram face.
what do I do :(