To wonder whether to charge DS3 board?

[Goldencute]

Ds is due to start a career opportunity in September 2027. He finished a levels last summer (as in 2024) and does not want to go to university.

He's currently working while waiting to start his dream job, finger crossed.

As we supported his oldest brother and currently supporting his other brother through university we said we'd cover his living while he has this sort of Gap period.

But he's done very well in this "temporary" job and now is earning a very nice income, he's good with money, and saves a lot but also enjoys his financial position.

He'll buy a lot of his own food - high protein diet, will grab stuff for us at the shops and pay for it, buys me flowers frequently and gets us the occasional takeaway.

As he's unexpectedly earning so well I wondered whether to ask him for a small contribution for utilities etc.

We're comfortable for money, so don't need his input but just chatting away to DSIL and she was shocked that I'm not teaching him the Principle of Living Costs.

YABU DSIL is correct, it's a good life lesson.

YANBU carry on as you said you would.

Sounds like he's already contributing a bit. You'd be going against what you told him and you're not struggling. Leave as it is.

I can’t imagine charging rent unless we really needed the money. Our youngest is back at home after uni. He’s earning and saves about 80% of his salary each month. If he was pissing his salary up the wall, I’d take some of it and save it for him. He’s nice to have around, no bother and does a lot around the house.

He plans to buy somewhere next year when his gf graduates.

I’d leave it as it is until he starts this dream job. Good for him for being so prudent!

If his siblings get help st university its only fair he gets help too...in this case its free rent./bills. It sounds like he is sensible, hard working and kind though too. Would be dofferent if he wasnt working and just playing games etc.

I am usually on the side of charging, but given he is being decent and has future plans then I think leave it.

If you agreed to pay for his siblings at university I think you should pay for him at the same age, event though he’s doing something different.

More importantly, congratulations on having raised someone who sounds like a hard-working, ambitious, considerate young man.

Curious what this career opportunity is that starts two years from now.

Will he still live at home when he has his dream job ? Will you charge him then ?

My son pays rent as I couldn’t afford to support another adult on my salary . He also buys his own food .
if I were in a better financial position then maybe I wouldn’t . Who knows . But I don’t think anyone should live for free as it doesn’t prepare them for real life !

Thanks all. You seem to align with my thinking.

Though the poll is less in my favour!

Apologies it's September 2026, the carrier will hopefully start, so 2 years post 6th form. A typo I didn't spot.

If you'd wanted to charge him and told him so up front, that would have been OK. But I'd need a pretty compelling reason to go back on my word and surprise him by asking for money when I'd previously offered to subsidise him. You don't really seem to have a reason except that your DSIL is butting in about something that doesn't concern her. Are you going to tell him that's the reason, and are you prepared for that to cause some disruption/resentment in the family?

You are still supporting his brother, and supported the older one, he is already paying in a way by providing his own food and getting stuff in as you need it anyway

I would allow him to live at home like this for the number of years you supported the brothers,then ask him, and I assume the others if they come home, for contributions

YABVU. He is more than paying his way.

I think you might have misunderstood my voting choices.

I would agree with the consensus here that he’s paying his way.

But generally remember you don’t need anyone’s permission to do things your way. I’ve been on enough MN threads to know some believe that if you don’t make your sixteen year old who did their last GCSE yesterday cough up you’re going to raise a self entitled brat, while still others are happy to have their adult children stay with them as long as they like without a fixed financial contribution. It isn’t for anyone else to say what’s right or wrong. It’s simply what is comfortable for you.