To despair a bit over the cost of being single in the UK?

[natura]

I moved back to the UK at the start of this year after a long time overseas, in countries where the cost of living is lower than here..

I've been living in a friend's flat while he's away for a long work trip, but he's coming back soon. So I've been looking at places to move into when he returns, and I'm just despairing at how expensive it's going to be.

Rent alone is high, and then when I factor in the likely bills over winter, I'm looking at about half of my monthly income gone just on having somewhere to live.

He's said I can stay here once he comes back – it'll be cheaper for both of us – but it's not a big flat and we both work from home, so I'm worried it's going to be really cramped and awkward.

And frankly, I know it's silly, but I'm pretty gutted to still be flat-sharing at almost 40 years old. I'm hoping to buy a place in the next 12 months once my tax returns have settled back into the HMRC systems, but that feels a long way off right now.

Is this just how it is now if you're not coupled up?

AIBU to be frustrated by how expensive it is to live alone?

I think I'd be tempted to stay in his flat for six months while you save and flat hunt. If you have a definite end date on the arrangement I think it might serve you both well financially.

You are lucky to have your friend's offer.
I would look into that a bit more, see if there are any close "hot desk" spaces you could go to, or see how things go, and give him the opportunity to say if he feels this isn't working out, or for you to say the same.

As long as you are both honest and communicate it could work out. You pay your way, respect each other's space. Not as lonely.

But yes living costs are expensive, hence why some people stay in couples they really shouldn't, young adults are stunted trying to leave home.

Oh I hear you. My landlord is going to sell the house I've rented for ten years, and I'm really worried about affording a new place as rents are so high, it'll be over half of my net pay. I'm keeping everything crossed that I can get social housing.

Yes, it’s awful. I have luckily been able to buy my own flat recently as my parents gave me money towards the deposit. Without that, I would still be in a house share as I couldn’t really afford to rent on my own (the rent plus bills would be more than half my net income). I earn 45k and live in the south east.

Yep, I think that's the route I'll probably take.

It's just a very small flat, he's autistic and quite unfiltered (very good-hearted and lovely, just 'a lot' at times) and I'm currently recovering from a health situation, so quiet and calm are very high on my priorities right now.

That said, worrying about money isn't very quiet or calm either, so this is one of those 'choose your 'hard' situations!

Good for you – it's wild that mortgage payments are so much lower than rent month to month, isn't it?

Ooh, @Ahsheeit, I'm so sorry to hear that. It's got to be so stressful. Crossing my fingers for you too!

I completely empathise. I’m a ruthless budgeter and live beyond my means, but I know I won’t prosper as much as I’d like to unless I live with a partner who also works. Renting now (in a grim houseshare) and about to take on a mortgage, which is a bit terrifying even when it’s a relatively low £70k.

I can fully understand why so many women on here stay with their partners who also work, even when those relationships are much less than ideal.

I would give it a go with your friend and see how it pans out. You could end up saving a lot of money to put towards your deposit.

I’d stay and look at renting a workspace. It’s as low as £5 a day where I am in a community run place Wi-Fi, coffee, desk plus there are meeting rooms you can have by the hour.

OP it’s tough one. I moved back to the UK as a lone parent and a toddler at 39 with very little to my name and had to completely rebuild my life. It was daunting actually. I think it’s really smart to stay put for a little bit whilst you consider whether you need to be in specific areas for work or whether with mainly working remote you can move areas etc. Staying there for a little while longer might give you a chance to consider that and explore different areas perhaps.

I totally get it. I'm a single parent and just managing to keep my head above water - but this is only because the flat I am renting I have been in for nearly 10 years and the landlords are rare gems. They've only raised the rent 3 times since I moved in and I can still just about afford it.

Other places in my area are £300+ more a month than where I am. I want to move out but I just cannot afford it on my own.

I saw the most perfect house for me, it was only £25 more than my current rent but was so lovely and actually had a garden (where I am now doesn't). But the landlord told the estate agent they wanted a "couple" to rent to, not a single person. I cried my eyes out when they told me. Feels oddly discriminatory.

@Inthebitterend that's outrageous! What difference does it make to them?!

Absolutely not surprised you were so heartbroken – what an awful thing to hear.

Yes you're right OP. Obviously it's always been cheaper to live with another person and share the costs, but the cost of living increase has exacerbated this. I would stay with your friend for the moment, as a pp said you can find a co-working space so you're not both there all day.

I was quite shocked when I started looking for rentals.

I split from my husband and had to sell the marital home. I was paying £600 on the mortgage, and now I have a house and the rent is £1,150 and due to go up in February. I needed to have a garden for the dogs and I like to live rurally, but due to the dogs I was struggling to find a landlord who would accept me.

What with the food, leccy, water etc ..... I pay more than half my wages on bills each month.

Why don’t you look at Co working spaces so you can get out at least some days?

I know! I could afford it, so what difference does it make?! I'd been paying the rent steadily for 10 years, never missing a payment, and 4 of those years have been on my own due to my marriage ending. But apparently 4 years of paying my own way isn't enough to prove to them that I'm a good tenant 🙄the estate agent did fight for me (they know me just because of how long I have been here!) but they said he wouldn't change his mind.

Yes, there's one nearby that could be an option.

My dog complicates the matter a little but I'm sure if my friend is going to be home all day anyway, something can be figured out.