To feel like a failure

[Relaxe]

I split up with ex after 20 years about 18 months ago. He became selfish and lazy and never helped me with the kids, he met somebody else and moved on with his life and I moved to my parents with my 2 children 6 and 9). My ex has ended up buying a huge house with his new girlfriend and I am now renting a council place, have a good job, am genuinely happier than I have ever been but I can’t help but think he is obviously thinking he has come out on top. I know it’s not a competition

Nope. I'm ten years on and my ex barely knows his kids. Tbf, I'm in the stronger financial position too biut that's less relevant. Assuming kids are primarily with you, you come out "on top". It will get better x

You're genuinely happier than you ever have been. That's a win.

Why does owning his house mean he’s on top? That’s not what life equates to. He might not even have thought about wether or not you are renting, chances are he’s not wasting his energy thinking about your finances so don’t waste your energy on him.

As long as you and the kids are happy forget about what he has. You’re not a failure at all please don’t think that about yourself. You are providing for your children and that’s a win to me. Your also teaching them that they don’t need to stay in a situation where they are unhappy and that’s something I wish I was taught because I stayed with someone who didn’t love me or the kids just loved the control for far to long because that’s what I was used to growing up

Chances are his behaviour will be the same. If he's lazy with her they aren't going to have a happy relationship.

There is more to life than having a big house.

I'm struggling with what you want from the post. Its not failure. You've won.

Your title is contradictory to the post; you've said you're happier; It shouldnt matter that he's moved on, we see that all the time on here. Men cant handle being alone, they find a new woman quick as shit, within weeks because they cannot function alone (especially after 20yrs) - its shit for you, but you’ve already said you're far happier.

He's got a new girlfriend, she's his problem to deal with now. He has a new house (with new expenses), and he is probably on his best behaviour making life look rosy - but hes still the shithead partner he was with you, he still wont help round the house, he still wont step up. All the reasons you wanted out - he hasn't changed - its just masked.

I'm hoping you've held him to account and he is contributing to your joint children? Including custody arrangements; Their new house needs to accomodate when he has custody of your children. Unless hes going to show the new lady in his life just what kind of guy he really is and ignore his children...

Think about it this way.

Would you rather be happy with your kids in a council house, or stuck with the lazy arse in a big house with a mortgage that makes it even harder to leave?

I think you are in the better position!

Not quite the same thing, but I've always loved the expression "If you lend a man £500 and never see him again, it was money well spent."

I'm glad you're happier, that's the main thing. Economic advantages can change over time in the most unexpected ways. 💗

Its only a big house. Feel sorry for the gf who has to live with him

He hasn't ended up on top..because you have to whole of your life to live still.
And anything can happen