Need a hand hold please

[happydays93]

This has happened within the last few hours so bare with me if it’s a ramble.
My partner moved in with me approx 6 weeks ago. He has 3 children and we moved into my flat so that we could save for a mortgage, we needed a little more money for a deposit (he sold the house he had - but we didn’t have quite enough equity to move on as it was a shared ownership home).
Today, he came home from work early and told me he was suspended. He is suspended for cheating on me whilst on shift (he’s definitely getting sacked, as he’s on probation - it’s a new job).
I’ve thrown him out. I can’t do this. This isn’t the first time he’s been sacked for something and we have been through hell and back in the last 4 years - I thought things were just looking up for us.
He is hysterical saying that he should kill himself and he hasn’t got anywhere to have his children overnight. He’s asked to stay with me until he’s found somewhere and I have said no. AIBU? My heart is absolutely beyond broken. I can’t even fathom how I am going to get through this.

@happydays93 Christ OP. He sounds like quite a catch. Why do women do this to themselves! He's got mental health issues, three kids and wants it all to be your responsibility. And as if that wasn't sexy enough he's now got sacked for shagging another woman in the stationery cupboard. Did he think about his kids whilst he was sticking his dick in? How black and white do you want this situation to be? I'm sorry you feel so low but really you need to get a grip. For the love of god protect yourself, your own interests and your own home. Nobody else will do that for you, least of all this waste of space.

You are well rid.
I know it must feel awful right now but think how lucky it is this happened before you bought a house together.

Do not let him back OP!

Change the locks and block his number. Let the OW house him and his children from now on. He’s a grifting loser, in the bin 🗑️ with him. Get an sti test.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

I heard from a partner violence charity (can’t remember which) that threats of suicide from a partner should be viewed as a threat to your life not theirs.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you, but this is absolutely not your fault and you owe him nothing. He can scream all he likes but he made his choices, FAFO at its finest.
Do not let him guilt trip you into letting him back in. He’s trying to manipulate you for his own benefit, not yours.

Tell him to contact the local crisis team if he is suicidal . Do not be drawn into any tales of woe he has brought it all upon himself . Do not relent , time to move on . Stay strong.

You’ve done the right thing in asking him to leave. When he cheated on you he forfeited any right for your concern or care for his mental health or his children. Stay strong and try not to engage with him.

Thank you all. I know he’s staying with a friend tonight and sorting something out moving forward. I feel like my entire world has ended, can’t quite ever imagine coming back from this. Thank you to the lovely people of mumsnet for hand holding through one of my worst days.

Massive hugs. You'll be ok with time and it won't always feel this raw. Take good care of yourself.

OP, you will be fine, and looking back on this, you will be profoundly grateful that his cheating was discovered before you had locked yourselves into buying a house together. Clearly your fellow was an unreliable skunk, and although it feels,raw at the moment, you are so much better off without him. Do not be suckered in by any sob stories. He has absolutely brought this on himself, so let him get on with it, and concentrate on yourself and your DC. Sending hugs.

How are you doing, @happydays93? Sending you positive thoughts.