Having an operation: DH support?

[FedUpandEatingChocolate]

AIBU for expecting DH to be more present at hospital when I have an operation?

I'm having an operation next week. DH works full time (mainly from home), kids are at school. Operation is at a hospital 45 minutes drive away.

If DH was having an operation I'd arrange childcare for outside of school hours to be there when he comes back to the ward, and to take him home (assuming same day).

DH had assumed that I would be in overnight so he could just pick me up in working hours for the following day. No other visit planned. I'll be getting a taxi there to arrive very early.

I've arranged for a friend to come over after school and stay with the kids as long as needed. DH is now planning to come over after he finishes work.

AIBU in hoping/expecting him to be more present at hospital to support me?

He has form for this. Left me alone after my second daughter (c section - I couldn't stand without fainting, had a UTI etc, baby in NICU). My MIL had offered to stay with our eldest but he wanted to be home with her.

When I had an op a few months ago he visited me for long enough to hand over an overnight bag (it was an emergency admission), and then to collect me in the morning (literally waited until I was discharged before leaving - I was hanging around on the ward for an hour after discharge).

I wouldn't expect him to hang around all day, but I do think he should come over when I go into surgery, so he's there when I come around. He can work from the ward/coffee shop, or ask for time off.

(Op includes removing something that is potentially cancerous, so my anxiety is suitably high.)

Your husband sounds very decent,, irrespective of whether he intended to be at hospital or not

Also, if I was having an operation, I wouldn't want my partner there pre or post. Saying this to demonstrate that everyone is different

I think it so dependant on the person im so use to hospitals and have had more surgeries then I can count so its just a usual part of my life so never feels a big deal and I mostly go by myself and have someone pick me up or get a taxi but if this isn't your normal and you haven't spent a lot of time in hospital or had surgery before I can completely understand why you want somebody with you and your husband should be there to support you if thats what you need.

Hmmm - perhaps he just doesn't realise? Some men are really bad at empathy.

I was in hospital for 2 weeks with chemo toxicity following my first, and only, cycle of chemo. I didn't want to see anybody at all, including him, for the first 3 or 4 days. I just wanted to sleep and I didn't want to think about anyone but myself - I was too tired to be nice to anyone. My darling husband came to the ward every day, twice a day, even though he couldn't see me. Nothing would keep him away.

Then when I had surgery he took me in to the ward, and refused to go home until it was time to take me home. He stayed in the hospital all day. It was day surgery and I was first on the list as I have diabetes, so I was there before 8.00 and I wasn't discharged until around 2.30. He wouldn't even go and have lunch in the restaurant in case I needed him.

I realise that how he behaves is not entirely normal 😁, but it shows how devoted a husband can be...

Hmmm - perhaps he just doesn't realise? Some men are really bad at empathy.

I was in hospital for 2 weeks with chemo toxicity following my first, and only, cycle of chemo. I didn't want to see anybody at all, including him, for the first 3 or 4 days. I just wanted to sleep and I didn't want to think about anyone but myself - I was too tired to be nice to anyone. My darling husband came to the ward every day, twice a day, even though he couldn't see me. Nothing would keep him away.

Then when I had surgery he took me in to the ward, and refused to go home until it was time to take me home. He stayed in the hospital all day. It was day surgery and I was first on the list as I have diabetes, so I was there before 8.00 and I wasn't discharged until around 2.30. He wouldn't even go and have lunch in the restaurant in case I needed him.

I realise that how he behaves is not entirely normal 😁, but it shows how devoted a husband can be...

Great news, OP!
For future reference though, I'd go for spelling out your needs in specific terms - even the best ones seem to be clueless about what DWs need and require explicit directions - even a little extrapolation seems beyond them.
all best for your op.