2 year age gap is SO hard

[ProudMamaBear92]

Everyone’s always told us a two year age gap is amazing. I thought it would be too. But I’m struggling SO much. How do people do it? Am I just really bad at parenting or do I care too much?
We have DS 2 and DS 3mo. They are both amazing and the loves of my life. Neither have particular difficulties just the normal toddler and baby struggles.
DS2 is so bright and loving and playful and used to love reading and playing etc, now he just rots in front of the TV every evening because husband works, baby is super fussy and needs feeds and holding constantly. I try so hard to turn tv off and read or involve him with cooking or games with baby but he’s not interested and equally baby starts playing up and I can’t continue doing what I wanted anyway. We go to the local parks a fare bit but now it’s getting colder that’s becoming less. He won’t play in the garden alone. Im trying painting and play dough and dancing but he needs me for all of it, he’s too young for playing independently right now.
He uses his free hours at nursery 4 days a week which I feel bad about like I’m shipping him off, but at least he’s learning and socialising.

i feel like I’m failing him. Looking for help and reassurance or if I’m just really bad at this how do I fix it? Throw away the Tv?

All age groups have their pros and cons. I think you’ve set your expectations higher than necessary because your children are probably happy as things are.

You’re not failing your Son.

I have the same age gap with my kids (they’re now 5&7). It IS hard and unfortunately the eldest one kind of has to learn to entertain themselves a bit and take a back seat.

It sounds like you’re really trying to do things with him, but you can only do so much when you have a clingy baby.

Don’t be hard on yourself. I think it’s literally about just surviving as best you can for the next couple of years.

It really does get easier. My kids now play together non stop and while they still want my attention, I know it would be harder trying to entertain the 1 all the time.

I say this with love: I'm not sure how you thought it would be?! 😆

Fwiw, we all feel like we are failing all the time, no matter how many we have, because we love them and want the best for them. Be kind to yourself, chances are if you weren't finding this hard, you'd be finding something else hard, and thats because it is!

You'll get through. Just remind yourself that they will be fine as adults.

If DH can't change hours and you're doing your best, there's not a lot else to be done, so just change your mindset: you're a family doing your best, your kids are safe and loved, and everything will be OK, so just try to enjoy the moments and not worry too much.

If he's in nursery 4 days a week, is it so terrible if he watches a bit of tv in the evening? It's a real juggling act with a toddler and a young baby, I'm sure you're doing your best. I used to have lots of books so that when I was sat feeding, toddler could cuddle in beside me and read books, but cuddling on the sofa watching a bit of kid's tv isn't the end of the world either. Can you have baby in a sling so you can sit and play with your toddler? Have you tried one of those little bouncy or vibrating chairs for baby to give you a bit of hands free time?

It’s the most common age gap 🤷🏼‍♀️.

I think it’s probably more the reality of having more than one child and having to divide your time between two children who need you, which is not easy!

I have 16 months between my two and had them solo. Firstly, nursery is great not something to feel bad about - it helped my eldest have a continued structure whilst his home life evolved. Secondly, the first few months are hard but it gets easier - at about 5 months I managed to get them on similar schedules with a combined bath time (baby in a baby bath) and then bedtime (we’d do it in the eldest room and alternate between giving them milk / feeding / reading stories etc and then the eldest helped put the youngest to bed, and then had one more story and goes to bed). In the morning I get the youngest up first and feed them, then leave them playing happily whilst I get the eldest up. My youngest is nearly a year and I can see them bonding - it will work out! Just keep working to get them on similar / marginally overlapping schedules.

We have x2 boys 2 years almost exactly apart

We needed to use tv when baby was breast feeding at 3 months (winter months)

Put films on. Pixar movies, and watch them with older one when baby is feeding

Its not going to rot the 2 year old’s brain

We didn’t send our eldest to nursery until he was 3, I would put sleeping baby in pram in garden wrapped up, or inside back door asleep and then chase bubbles around (bubbles are a magic toy)

It gets easier, so much easier, once little one can play, probably about age 4 to really see the benefits which sounds like a long time but it works out.

We used to say “baby wants to feed to get bigger to play with you” basically everything baby needed or wanted was because he wanted to be able to play with big brother

And it worked, so far, they are 17&15 now, thick as thieves, love each other more than anyone else in the whole wide world. “I can’t wait to tell brother”
Hang out together, help with homework, we have seen them learn chess together, play football in garden, film nights, numerous board games, books, friends all mix, they were never alone on holiday, the age gap becomes smaller as second one grows, just yesterday eldest was helping younger with his bike tyres because youngster was unfamiliar with presta valve and we had to go out.

It’s a great age gap
Not too close they are clashing with gcse/education - not too big they are never at the same stage

So don’t stress about tv, by next summer little one will be toddling and chasing bubbles as well and you will have many summers (and winters) of muddy walks, puddles, balls, chess ahead

Just pick tv choices well - cbbees is good
ice age movies
toy story
monsters inc

and enjoy it, whilst the world battles to work in the wind and the rain you can hang out drink tea, watch cartoons, it’s the cam before the storm
make a bed den in lounge
eat satsumas

it gets easier it really does

The thing about second child is .. no, baby can't be held constantly.

1. sling to free up hands so you can multitask/breast feed and read to toddler at same time
2. Bouncy chair for baby that you can bounce with foot while reading
3. get toddler to hold the book & turn the pages while you read

Have audiobooks you can put on and sit listening together while you feed baby

This really tough bit doesn't last forever and then down the road it pays off when they play together. I know you will get people on here saying no guarantee that they will get along when older but in RL in the vast majority of families I know, dc a couple of years apart generally get on.

It’ll pass! It is tricky when they’re very little BUT my kids are SO close because of the small age gap, they’re on the same page with so much and when they were 2and 4c 6 &8, 8&10 etc it was so much easier to do activities with them, go in hols etc and now they are teens ( boy & girl) they do lots separately with friends BUT still get on so well, share rooms or beds in holiday, are completely fine with just their own company when no one else is around.

Hang on in there!