Those folk who are faffers and complicators in life

[Mrsfeckwittery]

The ones that bring their chaos to the party. I’m very much a ‘here’s what’s happening and when’. So folk either can or cannot, else nothing would get organised.
But then you get the person who tries to hijack a social to suit themselves, when the majority have already agreed a date. Or they bore you rigid giving all the reasons why they can’t make it. And if they can make it they bore you rigid as to how much they had to go through just to get there and how complicated their day has been. FFS it’s a meal out and a night at the movies. Do or don’t but just STFU about it. It’s called life!
Sorry, just had to vent.

Yep. Exhausting.

Yeah, my friend organises a night out on a Saturday, everyone says yes (and he always laments that one more important person who can’t make it). Then… Oh, can we do Friday instead? I mean, let’s all change our plans last minute!

Well, there’s likely to be someone composing another thread somewhere about people who lay down the law about nights out and behave as if they’re going to lose their annual bonus if there’s any back and forth about dates or venues, or hiss ‘Shut the fuck up!’ if they say they had a shit journey.

You don’t appear to like your friends very much, OP.

Was looking for this post. Well said @CuckooPond

I imagine it's possible to like your friends yet sometimes find their behaviour irritating.

I don’t have time for the ones who when given five dates to select from, knowing there’s a majority vote, they still try to make it all about them. I guess there are opposing ends of the spectrum but I’m happy to not be so up myself that a night out can’t happen unless I’m there

This ⬆really. I meet a friend from time to time to do lunch, cinema/exhibition etc. Some of our wider group of friends wanted to join in-fine and welcome. Could we move the day/time/week/film?
We learned very quickly to say that ,'We're doing this on Tuesday, it would be lovely if you could join us. Come or don't come but the event can't be moved.

Yes I sit on a committee (voluntary) and recently when we were trying to fix on our next date someone went into all the details of why they couldn’t manage it. They didn’t need to and it was a waste of everyone’s time. All she had to say was that that date didn’t work for her. No sweat, we’re only volunteers anyway.

@CuckooPond if you could share the link to the other thread that’d be great coz I genuinely am curious to read a situation from another’s point of view.

@GlazedOver07 yes. Exactly this.

I can sympathise. My job includes organising meetings and events. For our internal meetings there are several people who I can guarantee will push for a particular time/venue then a few days before start asking of everyone could make somewhere else/a different time etc because their plans have changed. For larger events I know that there will be several people who voluntarily sign up (on the basis of an invitation with clear information about date/time etc) then a few days before start complaining that it clashes with something else/couldn't change the time/why is it in a particular location etc. Then on their feedback form they will give complain about how inconvenient it was. One is currently complaining to head office that there was no consultation with participants about the venue/date for the next event- there was, it's just that their views didn't allign with the majority.

No, sorry — I just meant there’s probably someone writing the opposite and fuming about their friend Fiona being a sergeant-major when organising nights out! I don’t know of a specific thread.

Ah right.

Well, in an attempt to get more pta engagement, we published a poll for dates and times of the next meeting. The majority (12) voted for a certain day and time.

Guess how many turned up? Yep the core group of 4 and one solitary new parent. We all would have preferred a later time and to meet at the pub but went with the mysterious majority vote 🤦

Next meeting is where and when we want it!

Yanbu, I just write off people like this. Get to the point, no one cares about your long winded issues and just stop being so annoying. Also people who think out loud as if anyone else around them knows or cares.

I share your pain. We organised our PTA meetings around one parent who wouldn't go to a pub for religious reasons (fair enough). This meant we either had to meet in school (which meant an earlier start than was convenient for most of us) or a zoom call. She turned up to one meeting in the whole year

Totally agree OP, I can’t stand it! You are right that the solution is to say “I am/we are doing X at Y time on Z date, see you there if you want to come”. Then don’t wait for them. Harsh but with some people it’s the only way to stop them scuppering every plan.

But it’s hard if it’s close friends who you do want to see, or in my case my mum. She can guaranteed to mess around with times, turn up at the wrong location and demand everyone come to where she is, faff endlessly so you have to change plans, change her mind at the last minute, deny she agreed to a plan when she did, etc.

I’ve realised she does it because she likes the chaos. It gets her attention and she also likes “saving the day” by coming up with a “solution” to the chaos she’s created. I don’t think she is aware of it though and will get all self-pitying if you show any annoyance.

It is a balance, obviously negotiating dates and so on is reasonable up to a point, and having a bad journey due to things beyond your control does happen. I am understanding about that with people who are basically reasonable. It’s the ones who seem to bring chaos every time that are so exhausting.

“I’ve realised she does it because she likes the chaos. It gets her attention and she also likes “saving the day” by coming up with a “solution” to the chaos she’s created. I don’t think she is aware of it though and will get all self-pitying if you show any annoyance.”
@WhatterySquash

Yes this is it. It’s the need to be in the limelight. The chaos in their lives is usually of their own making - fine live your life like that but don’t bring it into everyone else’s life.