H had a complete sense of humour failure this morning!

[somanybabyseagulls]

SS has his own bedroom but has taken to sleeping in the spare. I said last night he couldn't as I was making it up (friend coming to stay). H snore like mad and was also planning on sleeping in it when he woke me with the noise in the night. Happened to wake up anyway and found ss in spare room, h on sofa. So, this morning i smirk at h and say nicely undermined, he looks at me and tells me to piss off, nice eh! AIBU to ignore him today?

I would try and resolve it before your friend comes to stay tbh. How old is ss and what is wrong with his room that he sleeps in the spare?

Even without the background, telling you to piss off means he deserves it.

rude man.

Yes YABU to ignore him. That sort of passive aggressive strategy is not helpful. You are not BU however to tell him not to swear at you in that offensive way and to ask for a calm discussion on why you were annoyed by SS sleeping in the spare room. Oh, and make SS change the sheets before your visitors get there.

ss is 12, no idea what's wrong with his room, been sleeping in it for last 3 years!!

You don't refer to them as dss or dh, are you in the prcess of splitting up or something?

ss always plays us off and that's why we are in a bad state. There is no problem with him having the spare room just not when I have made it up for my friend to stay in.

h always takes ss side, we are nearly finished anyway.

Do you want to save your marriage? If so I would advise that you put the 'd' back onto dss as he is a child and even if you do split up it won't be his fault. If you have had him in your life since he was 10 I am suprised that you don't have any affection for him. Teens can be devious, 10 yr olds less so if at all.

Sorry 9 yr olds

Yes it can be tough (in fact I am losing all paitence and understanding for my dss atm, but he is 19 and perfectly aware of his behaviur) I have 4 dsc's 2 live with me, ne holidays here and one will have nothing to do with us. BUT imo they not responsible for the problems between adults. If your h is being a prick, your ss is just not capable of 'making' him behave like that, he is doing it off his own inititive iyswim.

Absolutely agree that it is h not ss entirely. Yes I want to save my marriage, have been trying for about a year now.
Jammi, thank you for the hug, really need one right now.

Would h try councelling or relate or something? It is very difficult for a defensive parent to separate ordinary day-to-day family stuff from specific criticism of their baby. It took dp years to realise that my asking dss to clean up was not bleeding persecuting him just because dss whinged about it. Perhaps a third party wuld be able to put both points accross.

jammi, thank you for that, good to know that it can work. I am actually going to relate, he won't, says it will ruin things! H is definitely passive aggressive and won't 'give' at all. Have just given him a cuddle, rightly or wrongly I asked if he loved me, his reply uhu, i asked why, relply was, why not, says it all really doesn't it.

jammi, not interferring at all, any advice appreciated. I don't take things out on h really, I just get so frustrated that he won't communicate with me. yesterday for example I had a meeting with Cafcass (long story but abusive x has reappeard after a long time and want to see kids), I would have liked him to ask how it went, he has not said a word, he is not supportive or shows loving in any way. Have to pop out now but will check in later, jammi I am sure I will 'meet' you on the step parents thread.