Not sure I am being unreasonable

[Bertha1924]

Just wanted to get some opinions … my partner of two years met up with his ex-wife on Sunday to discuss a divorce (they have been apart for 7 years and just haven’t got round to it). He said they would meet in London for a quick drink and a pizza.

He left the flat 11 and by 6 o’clock Iwhen he hadn’t returned I texted him to say not to bother coming back to mine as 7 hours was far too long for a meet up and that I was pissed off. He said they had Sunday lunch and then went on a bus tour of London. He knew I wasn’t entirely happy with him going but was okay with it.

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed?

Unless there is a huge backstory then YABU.

What is it that you imagine he was doing with his ex? Holding hands across the pizza, and repairing to a hotel room for a quick 'remember when we were married' refresher?

What do you think they were actually doing? Seems unlikely that they were renting a room by the hour. I don’t really get why this is a problem and I don’t think going out at 11am and coming back early evening is excessive to meet up with someone for lunch and a catch-up in London.

I also think you were unreasonable to be ‘not entirely happy’ with him meeting his ex-wife to discuss their divorce.

Does he usually have any contact with her? I’d be pissed if he spent 7 hours with his ex to go on a bus tour of London and lunch. Fair enough they might need time to talk about a divorce but why are they sightseeing at the same time?

Ammmm , Sunday lunch yeah , bus tour ?
loads will say so what 🤷🏻‍♀️, I wouldn’t like it personally myself ..
It’s not about you being jealous , it’s just you’re his partner now & she is his Ex , & there is a limit of acceptable time that we spend in Exs company..

You say that you were ok with it but not entirely happy - you can't be both. I think you were unhappy with it from the start - why? How is he supposed to organise a divorce if he can't meet with her and speak to her?

Their plans changed on the day - maybe the pizza places were full, or they decided that a roast would be nicer due to the weather, or whatever - so they changed their minds, which is allowed. They then spent some time talking about the divorce and how things would go, and ended the day with a bus tour, most likely in the interest of keeping things amicable. It's not a big deal is it? A bus tour? A bit of decompression after talking through a stressful process. I also think it's a perfectly normal amount of time - if I go out for lunch at the weekend it tends to extend into early evening.

It's been seven years of separation - they've not rekindled their relationship in all of that time, so if you're experiencing jealously you need to look at why that is.
Divorce is a difficult process - even when you try to keep it as reasonable as possible - he'll need your support through this, not your consternation. If you are going to making things harder for him then you probably need to think about whether you should be in this relationship at all.

You weren't entirely happy, so it's likely you weren't going to be happy with how the day went, wherever they ended up and however long it took.

I've never heard of negotiating a divorce on an open top bus tour, but you either trust him when he says that's what he was doing, or you do not.

It's going to take longer than 7 hours for him to sort out the divorce, buckle up.

I'd be annoyed too, assuming he knew you were expecting him back earlier. He could at least have let you know sooner if his plans changed so you weren't just waiting around for him.
It seems really inconsiderate of him.

It is good that they can be amicable . A contentious divorce results in no winner except their solicitors. Do they share kids as they will have to be on speaking terms for their sake.

Marriage is a big thing - a lifetime commitment. So divorce is also a big thing. Let them mourn their lost relationship the way they need to.

YABU and really bloody insensitive and spoilt.