My friend plays everyone off against eachother should I warn them?

[Higgledypiggledycheeseboard]

I see my friend maybe several times a year as we live in different parts of the country. We have been friends for about 30years most of which we have lived a way from eachother.
I have noticed over the last few years that she manages to keep her husband disliking her friends and her friends disliking her husband. Each side thinks she's terribly hard done by. Her friends think her husband is lazy and difficult and her husband thinks her friends are good for nothing and feckless. Her mother dislikes her husband and her husband dislikes her mother. And my friend is in the middle, keeping it all going.
She recently said something very strong against a mutual friends child to me which upset and shocked me. I feel that the mutual friend should know what was said because it was.that bad and the mutual friend needs to protect herself and her child and not to trust the friend.
What she does in her marriage is up to her but I am angry about what she said about my other friend's child.
Do I say something?
AIBU to not let this go?

It entirely depends on what was said

If you see her doing this, is your opinion of her still high enough to call her a genuine friend? I‘d fade her out and leave her to her ways. Others will see through her as you have.
Obviously if the child is in actual danger you should do something.

YABU to call her your friend. You know what she’s like, why are you still seeing her?

Exactly. Why would you want to be around this?

This is yet another of those baffling Mn threads where people describe as ‘friends’ people they know are awful.

Step. Away. From. The. Drama.

She isn’t your friend because friends don’t make these kinds of posts about each other. Just step away and live your life.

What did you say to this 'friend' when she said those words to you? If you are content to say something to the child's mother but not to the person who said this terrible thing directly then that's the main issue here. It creates drama as opposed to nipping the issue in the bud.

And unless what she said ‘against’ your friend’s child was a murder threat or something (in which case call the police), I’m not sure what you think you need to ‘warn’ her about.

Indeed. Why not say ‘What an unpleasant comment’ rather than nodding along at the time and then dashing off to the other friend to tattle?

CBA to all that drama. Good lord who could be bothered with all that!

Well, I suppose I’ve answered my own question about why the OP would tolerate such awful behaviour for three decades. If, as it seems, she loves drama, it’s a friendship made in heaven.

I really don't know. I thought it was marital dynamics to make hubby feel important and then possibly just letting off steam about hubby to friends. But its more than that. Its straightforward enough to distance myself,
But I am.concerned about the mutual friend and her child. I mean there are some people who don't let the truth get in the way of a good story. I was told.that the young person had attacked her and should be locked away. This is strong stuff. Do I warn the mutual friend that this was said?

I did question what was said to me but she stuck to her story and was rather enjoying it. As the allegations were serious I checked on the mutual friend to see if she and her child were okay. The stories didn't match up but I didnt let on and didn't tell the mutual friend what I had been told. Because it was shocking. No one wants to hear that a close friend thinks your child should be sectioned.

How old is the child? If there might be legal action taken, I would let the mutual friend know what's being said, I think.

Harsh but as I said I don't see this friend very often maybe once or twice a year and very briefly. And we don't seem to communicate in the meantime. Its a friendship based on past times and longevity. Its taken me a while to see all this. I just feel very much for the mutual friend who is oblivious to what has been said.

It's a horrible comment designed to be hurtful by the sounds of it - so if I were you I would just end your friendship with this person that you don't actually seem to like anymore anyway. If you want to blow up the friendship between the two of them then you can tell the mother of the child, but actually wouldn't that just devastate her? You're all adults, you can all choose who to be friends with - both the child's mother and yourself. I would be ending the friendship with this spiteful game player, but I wouldn't be stoking the flames of the drama by repeating those words, because unkind though they are, they are just words.

I would be wondering what she’s saying about you too to the others. She’ll have made something up for sure. I dropped a similar friend quietly distanced myself when I too was being talked about how she used to talk to me. Some people will just say anything to be the centre of attention,

I’m unclear if the child is supposed to have attacked her parent or your friend. Can you clarify?

but for me it’s simple. If someone had lied about my child, I’d want to know about it.

Why is she your friend?

I wonder what she tells people about you?

CBA with a two faced schemer..be a bye bye 🙋

If that level of contact even counts as a friendship, it’s one that can be easily ended by just ignoring the next request to meet up.

I think by gossiping to you she is using you as a flying monkey- someone she can manipulate into doing her dirty work for her. She knows you well enough to know you will be tempted to repeat her story. Even if it was well intended you’d still be repeating something that is likely to hurt your mutual friend. Also, if the story is true then it’s something she didn’t want you to know. I think revealing that you do know could damage your friendship with her.

Cut off the trouble maker and wait for the mutual friend to confide in you in her own time.

I’d either confront the friend who is lying about the child - if it was a friendship I valued and wanted to keep - or back away completely. The very last thing I’d do is carry the story back to my other friend, that would just cause drama and conflict.

In any event, if she’s talking to you, she’s talking about you so on that basis alone I’d let it drop.