Hurtful comment at work

[Waterhorse46]

Applied to a new job. Told my manager I listed her as a referee pre interview. Her instant response. I’m just gonna hope you don’t get that job. Said twice. Followed by it’ll be a loss.

Aibu to feel very upset about that due to it being wildly inappropriate?

I don’t really understand this, she might have been joking or she might have been annoyed if you put her down as a reference without checking with her first. Generally you want good relationships with your referees so I wouldn’t rock the boat.

I agree. I’m going through onboarding checks for a new job and I haven’t even had an interview yet, it’s public sector so might need a level of vetting before interview stage? But I haven’t given them my current employer’s details, as it would cause tension if I wasn’t successful at the interview.

I read it as a compliment. She doesn't want you to get the job because she will lose you from her team.

It’s good that you’re aware of this and working on it. So one of the things to keep in mind is that when you’re feeling hurt or attacked like this to take a beat and see if that’s what was intended or if you’ve misunderstood. Maybe give people the benefit of the doubt more and ir could build your self esteem. Good luck with it.