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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Nosy overfamiliar Neighbour

9 replies

purplesmurf47 · 06/10/2025 20:54

I need a rant and also a sanity check. I have really tried with this lady but she really is driving me mad!

I am at my wits end with my neighbour, I don't think she has enough to do (her children have left home and she is semi retired) but she has caused utter chaos since we've moved in. The first conversation she had with me she shoved her phone into my hand and demanded I inputted my number. I was very torn at this point, as I actually have had quite bad experiences with neighbours previously but I thought either I put a 'wrong number' in or put my number in and hope she's not a lunatic. I regret not just standing my ground and saying I don't know you but it is so hard when you have moved to a new area and think you should be neighbourly. In short, she has sent me lots of unsolicited texts... so much so I have had to block her number. The incessant knocks on the door as she has an 'emergency' however it always turns out it is not something I would class as anything urgent and just seems like she is too impatient and wants to see what I am doing. She has even put her hands up to the glass and looked through my living room window (I don't think she knew I was home) just to sneak a peak into my home! If I am loading my car for the tip she just appears and peers inside... it's a bit too over-familiar for me.

Whenever I am in the garden, she seems to appear and starts shouting at me over the fence. I planted some screening to eliminate this problem but she just doesn't seem to understand that when you are in your home, you want some privacy. It actually stopped me going into the garden for a while and not wanting to be caught - it felt very claustrophobic and intrusive.

She is known to stand outside her front door or even watch people from her living room window and go outside to entrap them talking at them for hours. When I say talking at them, you have to walk backwards to get away from her and she then follows you as you go. It really is hard and I find she doesn't understand social ques. I think she wants to live in a commune whereby everyone has an open door policy and she can just walk in whenever she wants. The worst thing is, that she has a husband and daughters that don't seem to say anything about it - I don't know why they don't correct the behaviour, it is obvious that everyone is uncomfortable.

She allowed her builders to put up scaffolding on my property last year, claiming she was out and it was a mistake. If I had scaffolders coming, I would not just leave them to it. She went out on purpose - however, they damaged my property and I bought it up to her and she completely ignored me. She has never apologised and I find it very poor taste. However, I tried to move on and try to be polite and just say hello and keep walking if I see her but she recently has started to come outside if she sees me tending the front garden or even at the alley to the back of my property, if I am there. She talks for hours and I can't get away.

Last week, she directed the postman to leave all her parcels with me and I refused to take them in. She just expects this and I can't entertain it - especially as she just talks at you and I want to try and avoid all interactions. I just don't have the time to waste on this information dumping - I know her life story and I don't want to know it!

Bizarrely - when she is with other people, I still will smile and say hello, as I have been taught to be polite, she completely looks through me. She glares at anyone coming to my house and in a way, this gives me a great excuse to just ignore her from now on - but I just find the hot and cold so strange. It's so extreme and I find it all quite emotionally exhausting. I am on auto-pilot most of the time and say hi to all the neighbours with a wave, so it will be hard to not slip up but I just have had enough with her.

OP posts:
SunnySideDeepDown · 06/10/2025 20:59

Sounds like she has a condition of some sort.

I would do exactly as you are, remain friendly but extremely distanced. Dont feel bad, she has a family she can chatter to, you deserve a peaceful home life.

MasterOfOne · 06/10/2025 21:01

I voted yabu because I don't really know what you are asking? Or is this simply a vent?

Do you want her to engage with you or not? As you complain of her being hot/cold

I am also not sure why you are expecting her husband/daughters to "correct" her behaviour.

Block her, look though her and move on with your life.

But if you choose to engage because its "polite" then you really can't complain

BadgernTheGarden · 06/10/2025 21:03

If she insists on talking just say your busy and can't stop and talk.

RealPerson · 06/10/2025 21:03

That's so annoying. I had a neighbour once who would knock on my door and just walk in my house. She was mental, always shouting about me being noisy while being friendly at the same time walking about my house shouting. Turned out she had schizophrenia. It's honestly one of those things where you might need to move to make it stop. In my new place, I only stop to chat to a nice older couple now and then. Privacy at home is so important

Zov · 06/10/2025 21:05

Good grief she sounds awful. Move @purplesmurf47 That is all you can do.

DIYagainstMould · 06/10/2025 21:07

I feel for you but you still can live your life without an issue with her. She is not violent or throwing rubbish in your garden

Bufftailed · 06/10/2025 21:07

I have an overbearing neighbour always on about something, Have pulled right back and avoid any interaction beyond, how are you, I’m fine. Shame but I hated the constant messages, questions, reminders. I realise now don’t be friends with your neighbours, don’t have bad feeling, keep a pleasant distance.,

Springtimehere · 06/10/2025 21:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

FuzzyWolf · 06/10/2025 21:32

Sit in the garden with headphones and music or a podcast, avoid all conversations and keep her number blocked.

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