School trip - AIBU to contact DD’s teacher behind her back to change her room mate?

[ZizzyK]

DD (yr 10) has a group of friends and they have been friends for about 3 years. Before summer holidays, that went on a school trip where they had some issues. They are a group of 5 and needed to arrange their room at the end of the trip. DD said the others left her to sort out the room alone. She kept asking for help but they were all chatting. The trip was the end of the summer holiday and they didn’t resolve the issue before school closed. During the summer holiday DD didn’t hear from any of them, she also didn’t message them. after summer holiday, the attitude continued, whenever DD tried to chat to them they gave her silent treatment. After the 1st month of school and they were still behaving same way, DD left the group.

There is another school trip in November, which was planned last term when DD was still in the group. DD is supposed to be sharing rooms with one of the girls, they don’t speak to her at school. I have asked DD to request another room mate (4 day trip) but she says it’ll seem she’s going OTT.

AIBU to contact the teacher behind DD’s back and ask that they swap her room?

I wouldn't go against her wishes ,but I would flag the issue to the teachers so they are aware

I arrange and run these trips. Put the teacher in the picture and if she's got any sense she'll have a quick meeting before the trip to say "any issues with these rooms ..message me, see me privately whatever". Then it's in your dds court..she's Y10, she can decide for herself whether she wants to raise it and the teacher will have a heads up.

School trip or not it’s best to flag these with school from a pastoral point of view.

it helps staff to have an idea of what’s going on - although they may already be aware.

I organise school trips & would rather know in advance tbh. I would generally have a chat with the student & then sound out the others about having the extra in their room. You can’t force them to agree & sometimes they can be awkward about it. But I think it’s easier for DD if you approach the teacher & just ask if it’s at all possible.

Thanks so much everyone for taking time to read and respond. I was really at a loss on how to manage the situation as I don’t want DD to be miserable on the trip. I will let the teachers know what’s happening.

I think with yr 10 I’d leave them to make their own choices.

You could maybe flag to the teacher that there could be issues but at that age, I think they’re old enough to manage things themselves.

At 15yo I wouldn’t do very much behind DD’s back tbh. WRT friendship issues, you should be able to talk to her openly. I’d ask her how she feels about it all and go from there. And if the teachers here say they’d want to be forewarned, I’d follow that advice too!

Absolutely agree. I've taken many trips. I'd want to know.

It makes sense to give the teacher the heads up. It sounds as though the rooms were arranged a long time ago and it's not going to be surprising if friendships have changed, especially if the start of GCSE courses means everyone is more mixed up across the year group.

Emailing the teacher organising the trip to let them know things are difficult between DD and the other girls in the original group, including her intended room mate, is much better done now than just before the trip. Explain that DD didn't want you to get in touch and so is unaware you have emailed. Hopefully it will be possible for some reshuffling to be done.