Boy at school - safeguarding?

[comoatoupeira]

There’s a boy at school in reception I got concerned about this afternoon.
I always notice him as he’s always in the playground after school, careering around, always seems to be with different groups. Mixes a lot with kids in other years.
He’s also got a broken foot in a cast. He’s very, very skinny and doesn’t look too healthy although could just be genes. Very pale, anaemic looking.
Today he had a tumble and was in tears because his leg was hurting (the broken foot one). I didn’t see what happened but he was sitting and an older boy, maybe year 3, was trying to comfort him a bit half heartedly. I asked them who was looking after him and he pointed me to someone sitting all the way on the other side of the park, on the grass, with her back to us. But he did it in a bit of a hesitant way.
I went over to her. Asked her if she was with the boy, told her what happened. Clearly a nanny as she was in her 20s and didn't look like him.
I watched what happened next, pretending not to. And there was just something about the way she dealt with it that made me feel weird. It didn’t seem like there was any trust between them, and it didn’t seem like she cared a lot. Next minute he was off on the other side of the park and she was back on the grass on her phone like before.
I feel like finding out who his parents are and saying that I’ve noticed their nanny isn’t actually looking after, or even keeping an eye on, their boy in the playground (it’s a huge playground with multiple areas).
Am I being a busybody?

A mum in her 20s isn’t really a young mum is it? I suppose depending where she is in her 20s, she might’ve once been a young mum.

If your area is big enough you don’t know all the local kids parents, you can’t know there’s no ‘young mums’.

There’s so many things in OP that just don’t make sense. A woman in her 20s so must be the nanny, playing with other primary age kids, having a tumble and being sent off to play, being pale, mum/ caregiver on her phone for some leave whilst child plays… all things that are pretty common place.

Busybody I'm afraid.

Your assumption is quite wild that she's a "nanny"

A child who is neglected by any caregiver will not be comforted by them. Whether she is mum or someone else, the fact that there was an evident lack of bonding is part of the concern.

Why?

We're not omniscient. On more than one occasion it's been a report of something by a member of the public who didn't keep their thoughts private that has enabled us to put the final piece of the picture in place and get the support needed for a child.

We need more busybodies

No, a mum in her 20s is a very much normal aged mum, despite what the 40+ brigade on here advertise

Have to agree .. she could be anybody, I would assume first a sister or something

Well, I know the three classes in my kids year, the two classes in the school my other child goes to, so that makes 87 + 49 mums = 136 mums, plus 10 or so friends of mine that makes 146, and none of them with a reception age child look like they are under 35… maybe 32 at a push.
But I’m sure you know better than me.

Yes. But not in my schools/area! For goodness sake.

That's abnormal.

It's common on here to pretend only chavs have children in their 20s and normal people wait until at least aged 35. that is delayed motherhood, like it or not. Our fertility declines rapidly at 30 and takes another sharp nose dive at 35. 40+ is old to be a first time mother. However unpalatable. It's like the emperorors new clothes on here with convincing fellow women that 35+ is "standard" to have a first baby. It's old.

That is a massive sized school!! Based on my area anyway. If your local school is that big it must be a huge area and no possible way you can know there’s no way you can know there’s ’no young mums’. There’s mums in their 20s in our relatively small leafy affluent town. I honestly feel like OP is in some way trying to bash mums younger than her.

If you were considering reporting this to SS or a school then yes i would say that’s OTT. But mentioning to the parents that the babysitter is a bit crap and keeping a watchful eye on him seems fine.

I do think that you’re being a bit unreasonable to point out that he’s skinny and pale. some people just look like that, and I bet you don’t try to get involved every time you see an overweight child which is also a sign of neglect.

Fair point.
i agree with you on both points.

You aren't a busybody but I think you are wrong for assuming this younger person cant possibly be the boy's mum, she could easily be early twenties and be his parent.

Being skinny and pale doesn't necessarily mean anything either, nor does the sore foot. Lots of reception age children are skinny and always full of cuts and bruises! Did the boy look scruffy, were there signs of broken shoes or ripped clothing , genuiely looking malnourished and not taken care of? Was there anything to suggest he isn't being cared for properly rather than a few judgements maybe?

Her being glued to her phone is the sad reality of many people too, it saddens me to see parents glued to their phones and not paying any attention to their child, but it happens and parents dont always notice their kids falling over etc.

Good to keep a watchful eye, but I wouldn't discount her being the parent on the age alone .

Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility

Yet you don’t know this boy’s mum …

I think so too. I find a lot of the cutting remarks from the "35+ emperor's new clothes club" on here are because they're bitter they're older and want to justify their choices.

I was in my later 20s and was a homeowner with a half decent career and a husband. So we're not all chavs 🙄 If anything I would have liked to have been more mid twenties than later twenties. I think 22-25 is perfect.

You always get the "well what about if your life circumstances aren't perfect optimal " you can keep on waiting until they are, but children don't need to be born into perfection, they're not made of glass. Stable relationship and a roof over your head is a good start. You can grow and improve whilst bringing them up.

I often find younger mothers more relaxed around their children and often prioritise motherhood. I find older mothers have waited so long that they find it difficult and can be detached emotionally but over invested in swallowing books on parenting and obsessing over routines and education that the child hasn't even embarked on yet.

Making wild assumptions isn't though.

We live in a very "snitchy" "sterile" country when it comes to safeguarding kids. Reporting people behind their backs (and unleashing a bomb in their lives ) isn't always the right thing to do.

If you saw repetition of behaviours, that's a good call. Or something more obvious in public, aggressive or violent behaviour from a care giver for example.

But seeing a thin child with a mum on her phone who you've never seen before with no other red flags bar your wild assumptions is not being a good citizen . Social services referral is very ott in those circumstances. In fact I'd go as far as to say it was cruel. It's like a police state.

Report by all means red flags and patterns. But reporting something with no valid basis, especially anonymously is very underhand.

Too many children have been harmed because people turned a blind eye. I would have a discreet word with the teacher with your concerns. Better safe than sorry

And if everybody did this? How exactly would they be aware?

Absolutely. You could make a post with almost identical circumstances, except 40+ so must be the grandmother / mother’s aunt etc …. And there would be 0 comments about how it could be the missing piece of a puzzle. Everyone would be saying this was outrageous and nothing out of the ordinary.

Fellow mum's at school will be close enough to observe patterns. "Mickey is seen on every school run I'm on with dirty clothes and holes in his shoes " or "Jessica looks quiet and withdrawn and my DD says she asks for bits of other children's lunches".

Whereas if you don't have any consistent evidence that abuse is suspected (and abuse is very different from sloppy or sub standard parenting) and you noticed a thin child with a cast on his foot and the mum fiddling on her phone: that's not red flags for abuse.

Shitty parenting (too much screen time, sloppy discipline, sloppy routines, parents always on the phone ) may be hard for us to stomach if we're good parents : but it isn't abuse. And it isn't social service worthy. Some people will never be "good " parents, but "good enough" and "meeting the childs needs " will be good enough.

I think we forget the difference between abuse requiring SS and just sloppy lazy parenting.

Absolutely do NOT do this.
The school may not know, and needs to know.
If they are already aware of any issues, your report will add to the evidence base.

Report to the Safeguarding Lead at the school, and well done for noticing and having the right instincts about a need to do something.

I work in safeguarding and this is an absolutely terrifying post. If you are concerned contact the schools safeguarding lead. You can have a discrete discussion and they can take it further if they feel necessary or at least make a note if they don’t. Never ignore a safeguarding concern!

ALWAYS better to report than not. Trust your gut instinct. Please don’t ignore . Let the professionals decide if it’s anything to worry about .