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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Difficult dilemma - school/divorce - 2026

3 replies

Spidee · 05/10/2025 22:42

My husband is a teacher. He has moved to work at a private school that specialises in SEN. He isn't particularly interested in SEN but its a promotion and more money. He started in Sep.

I didn't know this but teachers get a huge discount. My DC has learning disabilities and managing in mainstream to go in daily but struggles a lot. We just found out we have been turned down (at the very last hurdle) for EHCP.

We could afford the fees with the discount. The school is verynurturing, tiny class sizes.

Here is the dilemma...my H and I are barely functioning as a couple. He acts with total uninterested in me, we havent kissed even in over a year. He spent a lot of 2024 shouting at me. And now 2025 is just 2 people who dont fight cos they cant be bothered.

I want the best for my DC but if we transfer them, i can't leave. Surely any family court would say it would makes sense for him to have more custody as hr would drive DC to school every morning.

Is it absolutely awful to leave and not send DC to the school? What do I do? Im putting myself before DC which isn't right but then do I have to stay? I can't move out and let H have custody term time and me just every other weekend. DC doesnt even like H and I would rather anything than that! Am I being horrible to ignore this opportunity for DC?

OP posts:
Abominableday · 05/10/2025 22:52

I don't think him working at the school means you couldn't have your ds living with you and being taken to school by you.
Are you ok with the idea of still living near enough to the school and you dc seeing his dad at work a lot?

ILikeBigBookssandIcannotlie · 05/10/2025 23:04

I wouldn't worry about the journey to school, I think the presumption is 50/50 (assuming you could take him to school too?)

Spidee · 05/10/2025 23:11

I do all school drops and pick ups at the mo and work full time (main earner) but have corporate flex job. H is quite unpredictable and v difficult. He will not make it easy and when I have tried to leave before I've been researching airbnbs to escape to with DC as his reactions cam be pretty extreme
He is not the "pull myself together and put the kids first" type shall we say. So the idea of getting divorced amd going to his place of work twice a day feels pretty terrifying amd dysfunctional

OP posts:
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