Sexy underwear as a birthday gift?

[CharlieWeasleysWife]

DH spends £100ish quid on pornstar underwear for his DW.

DW thinks this is totally naff gift, more for DH than DW. Asks to return it and buy something from her wishlist. DH offended.

Who IBU?

YANBU - wife is right, it's naff
YABU - husband is right to be offended

If she liked it then fair enough but if he keeps doing it he after he has been told she doesn't, he is a twat.

YANBU - stupid gift given by man with brain of teenage boy

Gross, once got given a box of sex toys as a birthday present from an ex. I was too young to explain I didn’t think it was an appropriate gift so accepted graciously. I think it’s something he should offer to buy separately when choose along side his wife.

YANBU. Utterly insulting. I see men lingering around the garish crunchy bras in Asda around Valentine’s day and it makes me cringe. You can just see their seedy little brains giving not a single iota of thought to the poor woman who will eventually be the unfortunate recipient.

I like underwear, even the naff kind for the bedroom only and wouldn't mind-BUT you obviously don't, and you provided a wish list. He could at least have got something from the list as well. YANBU at all.

Don’t mind being bought sexy underwear, but NOT as my birthday gift! It’s equally for his benefit , feel birthday gifts should be something solely for your enjoyment.

Naff idea, done by men with no style or imagination 👍

What a shitty, selfish present. The only time this is ever a present is if the woman has pointed to it specifically and said that's what she wants.

Naff.

Now if a woman buys sexy underwear for herself for his birthday that is different.

If my ex had done this i would have said, clearly this is your birthday present, where's mine? He would have apologised, rectified the problem and not have done it again- or else!! I'm happy to receive underwear as a gift but not for birthday or Christmas

Straight to the point😂

I would be angry and tell him to return it.

I don't have an issue with sexy lingerie, but not as a main birthday present! I don't care how much it cost, I wouldn't want it as my main present. Especially if the person buying it, had been provided with a list of items I actually wanted, to choose from!!! Yes, I'd be peeved, because I got lingerie instead, of something I actually wanted.

Fine if it's alongside other wanted gifts from wishlist.
Or to accompany tickets to something special and a much wanted night away
Not ok if it's expected to be the main present!

Revolting no!

I don’t mind, dh always buys me a fancy set of something at Christmas but it’s not a present that goes under the tree, he leaves it wrapped under my pillow on Christmas Eve! He then buys other things for me to open on Christmas Day and the underwear is just something for us to enjoy together. But I like pretty ‘bedroom’ underwear and will often buy it for myself too.

Agree, yes great gift for no reason for BOTH of you, pretty poor birthday present as it's not really just for you.

Not a birthday present, and (given your ‘pornstar’ reaction) likely a gift he’s bought for himself, rather than something bought with you in mind. Is he 15?

If the receiver doesn’t like it then it’s a shit gift. Also I don’t know any women who like super sex underwear. Nice, expensive silky stuff that’s comfortable AND beautiful? Maybe. Underwear designed only for titillation? Gross.

Neither of you are BU. But you don’t like the gift and it makes sense to return it. DH will get his head around it.

Maybe there’s a compromise to be had in using the refund to buy a nice bra and knickers set from Marks and the rest to go on a dressing gown and some gin or something. But only if that is something you’d actually like of course.

Sounds like my ex. Makes me feel nauseous. I felt like I was a doll in his fetishes and fantasy’s. Never felt comfortable.

Thank you for this!! I struggle with trousers and they look great 👍

I think this is only acceptable if the wife has expressed wanting some AND it’s in addition to other gifts purely for her

I've been together with my wife since our university days, and yet, I would never go rogue and buy some lingerie or underwear for her without her - especially as a present. Can't say I am an expert at these things, but in my head these things only work if the woman decides to get it for herself, because she would feel sexy wearing it... What's the point if it's something that she wouldn't have picked for herself, and it only makes her feel off/bad? That is surely the opposite effect of what was the intention of DH, for sure.. I am not even considering nuances like exact sizes, or materials, etc., it just makes it even worse.
Giving something like this as a present is just so mind-numbing, too. How is that a gift for her? We all know it is just for the DH in question, given to DW but in reality, for himself. It becomes a bit sad too, if an opportunity to show that you know your wife, pay attention and listen to her, know what she needs/would make her happy becomes an occasion to just give yourself something. Why doesn't he just wrap the ingredients of a brownie and a spatula in a neat box, while he's at it?

I can see certain instances of this working... Say, dunno, DW specifically asking to be surprised with something DH would pick for her... If it is a kinky little thing they came up with together... It could be a nice, intimate and playful thing. But not like how it was described by OP, that's for sure.