AIBU to wonder how to keep on top of housework?

[Nospacedilemma]

OK, I have ADHD, so I have executive dysfunction and things like organisation and time are genuinely a deficit for me. Also, I don't get motivated in the same way as people without ADHD so I need dopamine hits to get things done. That's kind of hard with housework.

BUT, that said, HOW is it done? I work full time. By the time I'm home, cooked, got kids to bed etc. It's at least 9 pm. I have time to do dishes, tidy up a bit before bed. On Saturday, my kids have dance etc. in the morning. We go to church on Sunday. So there's only Saturday and Sunday afternoons really, a couple of hours at the most on each, to do full house clean - bathrooms, floors, windows, mirrors, laundry, change sheets etc. And often I want to do activities with the kids in the afternoon or visit family. I'm a single mum. I can't afford a cleaner.

How the hell does this get done? There's no time, surely, even for people who don't have ADHD??? AIBU? Is there actually enough time and I'm just missing something?

YANBU but you are being unreasonable to blame it on ADHD

The Organised Mum Method app is really helping me at the moment. You have a daily tick list of jobs. It takes all of the thought/procrastination out of it.

Minimal stuff
Little and often
One pot or tray meals especially using a slow cooker or rice cooker

Do it through out your time at home- multitasking. Kids in the bath (age dependent) hoover the stairs, whilst dinner cooks clean the floor, change one bed sheet one day and another one another day. It’s a little constantly approach. Yes the house never looks immaculate all at one time, unless a special occasion that multi hour blitz doesn’t happen.

The Organised Mum's "TOM Rocks" guided cleans help me. They're basically an ADHD friendly mirroring technique.

Something I've learned in recent years is that it's worth making the house 5 minutes better. I don't have to do the whole kitchen and spend hours I don't have at it. If I keep the dishwasher ticking over and sides in a usable state each day, I can catch up in about 20 mins at the weekend. It doesn't have to be perfect, just functional.

Perfection is often the enemy of getting started.

I don't have ADHD but try and use the organised mum method. I'm also considering a robot vacuum cleaner. As I WFH I can let it run whilst I work and then one evening a week a proper vacuum and then mop the floors. I just need to find a robot that changes the sheets or cleans all the bathrooms. Yet to find one of those.

Cook a dinner, say spaghetti bolognaise for x2 evenings. Use the second evening you would have spent cooking doing a bit of housework.

Or something like jacket potatoes in the oven, you get an hour, beans and cheese/tuna sweetcorn take 10 minutes before they are out.

It sounds like you are all out of the house a lot, how old are the children?

Declutter - so you are mainly dealing with just the essentials, food, washing, clothes.

Take shoes off at the door, reduces dust entering house.
No eating except in kitchen or for movie night - keeps the food mess in one place.

Talk to the kids and explain that everyone needs to do something, even if it is just putting toys back into box. Kids will push a hoover around once the floor is clear. They will take towels up to bathrooms, start small and make it something you do together. Chores are actually good for them.

This

Agree with this. 5 minutes here and there. Years ago, pre ds, I used to spend 4 hours EVERY Sunday cleaning the house from top to bottom. I'd be gutted if I had to miss something out or panic if I had to leave it an extra week. Once my son came along I wanted to spend all my time with him but still did a much shorter clean. I was diagnosed with cancer when he was 4. I was diagnosed with the same cancer again when he was 18, 2 years ago. I'm back in remission and expected to stay there, but it really me reassess how unimportant housework really is and in contrast what is really very important. Don't get me wrong my house is clean and tidy, we've also had a few cleaners in the past when I was very ill. I'm also not as physically strong as I was so would rather spend most of my time relaxing with spending time with dh, Ds and wider family and doing things I enjoy. I've had this mindset for years and now do things as I go along, spend a few minutes here and there every day, occasionally spend longer when I feel up to it. Let's face it nobody on their death bed says, "I wish I'd done more cleaning".

No. It isn’t unreasonable, don’t comment on things you don’t understand

Kids are 5 and 2. I should have made clear that, for the most part, my house IS tidy and relatively clean. Clean enough, anyway. But I just feel EXHAUSTED by constantly battling lack of motivation to do it and organisation. It is this feeling of exhaustion that I just wonder how the hell people actually manage work, kids, etc. without reaching burnout. In order to keep the house to the basic level of cleanliness and order that is needed for the kids and in order to be able to invite people over, i.e. their friends and the parents of their friends for playdates, I basically cannot have a life myself.

And to those saying do not "blame" it on ADHD, well, I am not. I am explaining, though, as a caveat, that ADHD makes it infinitely harder. I know I have to work harder at things than people without ADHD to reach a level that is often below that of others. Despite that, I still wonder how the hell people do it.

I have the urge to burn it down quite frequently. It's soul destroying and relentless and I hate it.

I use a timer for however long I feel like
20 mins a day makes a big difference/dent in stuff
then timer goes off and that’s it until tomorrow
started it from watching homewithroo on IG

Plenty of people without ADHD find it hard to motivate themselves for cleaning!

And I should know…

OP, you really don’t need to clean all the windows and mirrors every week. Keep the place reasonably tidy and don’t stress about a bit of dust. Nobody will die, honestly.