relaxing in your own home.

[wannawalkroundinmynightie]

help me out here. The facts:
27 year old daughter at home.
Boyfriend here every Friday to Sunday.
She pays £400 a month to me. Need the money as single income and had lots of time off ill, and I am self employed. Work full time with a commute, health issues.
One bathroom.
I am fed up having to negotiate my space, they are here all the time, they lie in bed until late afternoon only getting up for food. They don't get up unless it is to go out for more food (Starbucks et) and they are meant to be saving to move out.
Never an offer of help around the house, they do their own dishes but nothing beyond that, still asking her to do her share of chores and she has been back several years and there has never yet been a week where I have not had to ask her to clean the bathroom or the kitchen (we are supposed to rotate weekly, I don't want to pay a cleaner or she will never learn to do anything.)
Give it to me straight.

Another “my enormous grown up ‘child’ grifts of me from dawn to dusk, what shall I do” post.

Are you fucking serious?? Have you actually read the OPs posts?? FML 🤦‍♀️

Let her know that you are putting the house on the market. Tell her it’s too expensive and unnecessarily big for you and takes too long to clean so you are downsizing and she will need to move out.

OP, 27?
This is who she is, selfish and entitled.
Get her out.
Tell her you do not want him here anymore.
Nothing personal but you are not a hotel.
Tell her she has a month as you are done asking her to behave like an adult.
My friend had two daughters who got more selfish as they got later into their 20's.
She gave them a date as her house was being sold.
She followed through.
They were very pissed off but she said she was actually happy with the break of not seeing them.
She didn't chase them.
Its a year later and things have settled.
They have found their manners and admit huge regret that they forced her hand to tell them to leave.
She has a lovely two bedroomed bungalow with a tiny box office/ hobby room and they visit on her terms.
They pushed her to find her boundaries.
At 29/30, they are now saving for deposits having blown huge money while living with/ off her.
You will be doing her a favour by telling her you want her out.
Don't give her a penny either, she will blow it.
Hang onto it until you actually see her growing up.

Wow by that age I'd married, had 2 children with a mortgage. The only reason I moved out was to spend more time with my boyfriend, who I married. My mum said he wasn't allowed to stay over. Perhaps you could stop her boyfriend coming over and set a firm date for your daughter to move out. It's time for her to stand on her own two feet.

I voted YABU because you know what you have to do, surely?!! I’m not saying throw them out, BUT they either go their game, or pay for a cleaner 🤷‍♀️

How will you replace the £400 a month when she moves out? If you need it you need it

27 and she does no chores?! Absolutely no WAY would I be allowing such a piss take. Up her rent, use it to pay for a cleaner and tell them he comes round every other weekend max. You are entitled to privacy - wearing your nightie on the sofa if you choose - and your own space without some lazy bloke there. Or a lazy daughter, for that matter.

Well it was time to put your foot down a long time ago but at least you recognise that you need to do something now.

1. Turn the WiFi off / change the password right NOW (that will stop all the streaming).
2. Tell her he is only permitted to stay every other weekend. No negotiation. It’s that or no weekends at all.
3. She either does her fair share of cleaning / chores or has to pay the extra for a cleaner.
4. If she’s doesn’t like any of the above, she moves out.

Your house = your rules.

She needs an incentive to move out. The boyfriend is the incentive so bring in a new rule that he can stay one night a week and she can spend as many nights a week as she wants at his. Also up her rent to cover a cleaner and his food, if any.

First you need to double the rent

( should be between a third and 1/2 of her income)
then explain your daughter the long weekend stays are not working for you that’s when you need to relax and have the whole house to yourself
In an ideal world, she will then suggest she’ll stay at her boyfriends every weekend and pay for a cleaner problem sorted good luck

Given you said you’re s/e and have been ill recently and from the sounds of it lost out on the opportunity to earn for a good amount of time, I’d only be gifting DD a much smaller amount perhaps enough for rental deposit and first months rent and essential white goods so around 5k. She has a partner and is of working age to be self sufficient and given her attitude to you also, I’d say that would be being more than generous.

You need as much capital as possible to go towards yourself including pension/savings etc.

Maybe stop being a secret naturist and just go for it! Everything else will probably sort itself out.

[waits for the AIBU to expect my dm to wear clothes thread]

This is not an unreasonable ask OP.

I am definitely getting them out. The kids, not anything else...

I will definitely manage, I will be able to sort something and adjust going forward.

Lol, if you think she is hard to live with, try living with an Airbnb ‘guest’. You’ll likely get party animals that leave vomit on the carpet, trash the living room and carpet. They will expect you to clean the room and everything else. They will turn the heat way up, run you out of hot water and complain that the internet is too slow.

This is what I envisage, we generally get on well but she needs to go.

I've had lodgers on and off for years not one of them has ever done that!

Wouldn't say she is enormous, she is grown up though.

Thank you all for pretty much saying what I know anyway, you've all been great and I do appreciate the frankness. Have a lovely day, I'm off to trawl Right Move.

If she is rolling on some decent wheels, I'd be upping the rent to £400pp - pro rata for the boyfriend

So £400 + £240 for the boyfriend + £30 for cleaning + share of bills

Also need a talk about saving progress, properties that they have research and aiming for, and timelines to move with current savings plan.

Double her rent. Or she'll have to move out.

Shelling out usually motivates them.