Please do not post this on any social media as it is quite outing.
I have a 19.5 year old son, he has a GF of approx 18 months, He has worked PT since he was 17 and left college, I did ask him to get FT work but he struggled to get anything, he has only been working FT for about a month. I think that’s relevant and I do understand that jobs are trickier to get these days but do believe he was a bit picky about what he would do and I wasn’t impressed that he worked only a few hours a week without going to college for almost a year. I used to give him a lift to work about 25% of the time.
So, son stays with GF parents house quite a lot, they seem happy with this. There isn’t much of a pattern to it but for about a year he came home and stayed between 2-4 nights a week. Then when he passed his driving test (I paid for lessons) and his step Dad gave him a car he then stayed at his GF’s for about 6 weeks with little contact, so was only coming home for his lessons and then staying a couple of days.
Im trying to give as much detail as possible because I know people will feel strongly about this subject, son has been very messy in the past (think attracting bugs in his room) despite me telling him repeatedly to clean up and going in myself eventually and being upset about the state of the room. He also when we went away caused some damage to some of our belongings so it has been a bit of a bumpy road.
So. I would like some advice from anyone in a similar situation with regards to a financial contribution to the running of our home from our son. How do I approach it? He has just said he’s coming for a few days and seems reluctant to say exactly when he will be staying here until. I don’t want to keep asking when he’s going back and make him feel unwanted but also I don’t like the nature of him coming and going as he pleases really. I also don’t know how to approach a financial contribution, how much would you ask for? If you didn’t know how many nights a week it is? Would you just say an amount regardless and then he can choose how many nights he stays? Would you be happy with not knowing when your teenager will be home and how long for?
It’s a really tricky situation to navigate honestly.
I let son eat the food I’ve bought when he’s here but he eats lots of protein so I haven’t factored in enough for him when I’m not expecting him (another reason I don’t like the come and go nature of him), he does occasionally bring some of his own but hasn’t this time. I think I’m set on asking for something but don’t know how to approach. He doesn’t do any chores or help with childcare of younger ones etc.