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AIBU?

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Original poster

ADHD and homework

34 replies

Whatwasthatagainagain · 05/10/2025 10:00

DD has just started year 2 and her teacher has raised the possibility of ADHD. Not a massive surprise as we have remarked on ADHD-like behaviour at home but it's been okay at school until now.

Her homework is a huge struggle. She has 20 minutes daily plus longer tasks for the weekend (maybe 1.5 hours worth). But because she struggles to concentrate it takes easily twice that.

We have long days - 7.30am to 5.30pm - and I think trying to get her to do more work in the evenings is just making things worse as she's already tired and becomes very resentful.

Academically she's fine, bang on track for her age. I'm wondering if we could ask her teacher for less homework so she has more time to rest and recharge to make the school day more productive for her.

YABU - just do the homework and stop complaining!

YANBU - would be better for DD to have less work and more time to decompress.

Thanks

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 05/10/2025 10:03

A) That's a lot of homework.
B) Those are very long days.

Where is she between 7.30 and 8.30 and between 3.30 and 5.30? Could the homework be done there?

GarlicBreadStan · 05/10/2025 10:04

I hate the concept of homework as it is. When you start working, you're not (generally) expected to do any work after your work day has ended. Why should it be different for kids? If my kid doesn't want to do his homework, I don't force it because it just stresses him out and he has a meltdown.

Original poster
Whatwasthatagainagain · 05/10/2025 10:06

TeenToTwenties · 05/10/2025 10:03

A) That's a lot of homework.
B) Those are very long days.

Where is she between 7.30 and 8.30 and between 3.30 and 5.30? Could the homework be done there?

Travelling and wrap-around care. Children are encouraged to do homework there but DD doesn't as she doesn't work unless she has close supervision.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatwasthatagainagain · 05/10/2025 10:08

GarlicBreadStan · 05/10/2025 10:04

I hate the concept of homework as it is. When you start working, you're not (generally) expected to do any work after your work day has ended. Why should it be different for kids? If my kid doesn't want to do his homework, I don't force it because it just stresses him out and he has a meltdown.

I see what you mean and largely agree. But I don't want DD to start thinking that the teacher's requests are optional. So I'd do it officially and ask for less homework to be set.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 05/10/2025 10:08

That’s a rediculous amount of work for year 2. DS is year 11 and only does a couple of hours a week generally.

I would talk to school about prioritising what is important.

mynameiscalypso · 05/10/2025 10:12

I agree that’s a huge amount of homework. DS is in Year 2 and does about 10 minutes a night during the week. The school don’t set homework over the weekend. His teacher also made it clear at the start of the year which pieces of homework to focus on (spellings and reading) and which bits not to worry about too much (maths and RE). I personally don’t think they should have homework at all.

gonepottyy · 05/10/2025 10:13

That’s crazy my dd is in year 5 and has yet to be set any homework, ever.
I don’t understand why some primary schools don’t set any and other schools absolutely loads.
It might sound dramatic and may not be feasible for you but I think I would be changing schools for my dd sake in your shoes as I know my dd couldn’t manage that.

FuzzyWolf · 05/10/2025 10:15

I don’t think homework benefits a six or seven year old and often puts them off education.

Just read with your child each day and that’s enough.

TheWonderhorse · 05/10/2025 10:21

That's far too much homework. I would do reading and perhaps some quick fire maths tasks (Times Tables Rock Stars or something), get the basics covered and put the rest in the bin.

It is school's job to do the education of course, but it's your job to parent. It's a balance. There's time enough for 11 hour days when she's grown and working.

Needlenardlenoo · 05/10/2025 10:27

Our DD was diagnosed with ADHD at 7 and before that we had already been in to see the Head to beg her to help us with the meltdowns over homework and reading. She was v nice about it and got the ladies in charge of after school club to do a bit of homework and reading with her.

DD is now 12 and still feels very strongly that home is home and school is school!

Needlenardlenoo · 05/10/2025 10:28

Gamifying homework sometimes worked a bit. I had some success with Teach Your Monster to Read (phonics), and Reading Eggs/Maths Seeds. These are research based.

GarlicBreadStan · 05/10/2025 10:30

Whatwasthatagainagain · 05/10/2025 10:08

I see what you mean and largely agree. But I don't want DD to start thinking that the teacher's requests are optional. So I'd do it officially and ask for less homework to be set.

Show quote history

I completely understand that. That is why I do encourage my son to do his homework, but I'm always aware of his mood so I can see if it'll stress him out or not. Honestly I would say that you should encourage your daughter to do the homework, but if she doesn't, don't force it and just tell the teacher that it's too much for her. Start a "homework" diary if you have to, so you can keep track of what might have affected her ability to do homework that day/week. It sounds like a lot of effort but I've found that a lot of teachers don't take things at face value

FloorWipes · 05/10/2025 10:35

Weekend homework for someone that age is insane let alone more than an hour's worth!! Nothing good can come of that.

Have had this conversation with my DD's teacher and the teacher was very clear that if DD was having to be pushed into doing homework and finding it stressful then we should not force it. I think she is absolutely correct. I don't want to put DD off learning altogether and I don't want to add to our battles.

In my opinion homework should really be reserved for much older children. But then I realise there are some children that like doing it. However maybe it should be presented as fully optional.

mindutopia · 05/10/2025 10:38

That’s not ADHD, that’s too much homework. She’s 6? Of course, she’s going to struggle.

Ditch most of it, do only the most important bits that build core skills (regular reading), get outside and play instead.

My youngest is in Y3 and he has reading, maths and spelling every week. The reading takes 5 minutes, 5 times a week. We read 2-3 pages. Like literally no more than he can do in 5 minutes.

Spelling, it’s 3 times a week, takes 2 minutes to write out like 8 words.

Maths is just a time tables app. We do it as and when he wants to, maybe twice a week for 5-10 minutes.

Sometimes they have a project to do every half term. But it’s like draw or paint a picture in the style of Pablo Picasso like we’ve been learning in school. He will do some drawing for 20 minutes the day before it’s due, done. Or build a den like we learnt in forest school. We take a walk as a family, build a den, I take a photo of him in front of it, done.

mindutopia · 05/10/2025 10:46

Also I’ll add, how does your dd even know what homework is set unless relayed by you? My secondary school one knows because it’s set on an app and she can see it.

My Y3, the teacher emails us, with the exception of the spelling book, which is a physical book that comes home. If I don’t think it’s suitable, I just ignore it. Even when it used to come home as an actual printed off set of work for the term, I’d do what I thought was beneficial, stick a sticky note on it to explain we did what we chose to do, and sent back the whole pack mostly incomplete. Never an issue. I don’t think my dc even looked in there to know what might have been done.

In parent’s evening, the teacher (with dc in the same year) said it was fine, her dc didn’t do all the homework she set for him either. The school makes her do it to hit certain targets, but she just ignored them and mostly just did reading.

They are 6, it really will not impact their lifelong motivation and productivity to not to all their homework at this age.

Original poster
Whatwasthatagainagain · 05/10/2025 10:51

She knows what there is to do as it comes home on a list that we tick off as each piece is completed.

OP posts:
Camembears · 05/10/2025 10:52

YANBU. That is hideous, I wouldn't tolerate that amount of homework at all. When is she actually allowed to be a child?

Original poster
Whatwasthatagainagain · 05/10/2025 10:53

mindutopia · 05/10/2025 10:38

That’s not ADHD, that’s too much homework. She’s 6? Of course, she’s going to struggle.

Ditch most of it, do only the most important bits that build core skills (regular reading), get outside and play instead.

My youngest is in Y3 and he has reading, maths and spelling every week. The reading takes 5 minutes, 5 times a week. We read 2-3 pages. Like literally no more than he can do in 5 minutes.

Spelling, it’s 3 times a week, takes 2 minutes to write out like 8 words.

Maths is just a time tables app. We do it as and when he wants to, maybe twice a week for 5-10 minutes.

Sometimes they have a project to do every half term. But it’s like draw or paint a picture in the style of Pablo Picasso like we’ve been learning in school. He will do some drawing for 20 minutes the day before it’s due, done. Or build a den like we learnt in forest school. We take a walk as a family, build a den, I take a photo of him in front of it, done.

Yes she's 6.5.

Your work sounds perfect... all the core skills which are really important, then a few creative tasks 😍 lovely balance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatwasthatagainagain · 05/10/2025 10:54

Needlenardlenoo · 05/10/2025 10:28

Gamifying homework sometimes worked a bit. I had some success with Teach Your Monster to Read (phonics), and Reading Eggs/Maths Seeds. These are research based.

We've used these and she enjoys them. The problem is that because they're not the official homework and saps her concentration enough to make homework impossible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatwasthatagainagain · 05/10/2025 10:57

Camembears · 05/10/2025 10:52

YANBU. That is hideous, I wouldn't tolerate that amount of homework at all. When is she actually allowed to be a child?

Exactly. I feel like I'm rushing her from one thing to the next every waking moment, and she doesn't even have extra curriculars outside of school. The little free time she gets during term-time is a pleasure to witness, and shes desperate for it.

OP posts:
Kreepture · 05/10/2025 11:00

Whatwasthatagainagain · 05/10/2025 10:00

DD has just started year 2 and her teacher has raised the possibility of ADHD. Not a massive surprise as we have remarked on ADHD-like behaviour at home but it's been okay at school until now.

Her homework is a huge struggle. She has 20 minutes daily plus longer tasks for the weekend (maybe 1.5 hours worth). But because she struggles to concentrate it takes easily twice that.

We have long days - 7.30am to 5.30pm - and I think trying to get her to do more work in the evenings is just making things worse as she's already tired and becomes very resentful.

Academically she's fine, bang on track for her age. I'm wondering if we could ask her teacher for less homework so she has more time to rest and recharge to make the school day more productive for her.

YABU - just do the homework and stop complaining!

YANBU - would be better for DD to have less work and more time to decompress.

Thanks

i wasn't a fan of homework, so we came up with other plans

Some i just point blank refused to do, some we did in the car, some we did on the move/on a walk and i recorded the answers. Some we did in 5 minutes chunks with a reward, and some i wrote the answers she gave me.

all was done with the schools approval, some worked, some didn't.

However, Don't feel all homework needs to be done in one go, in one sitting, and the same place, make it fun, give it movement and novelty.. you might find more gets done!

Timeforabitofpeace · 05/10/2025 11:25

It just makes you think that Swedish children are in school 8-1 and have no homework, and a very high quality of education.

Needlenardlenoo · 05/10/2025 11:33

If you're sending her to school every day and doing what you can to support learning outside school, you're doing enough.

Drop the rope.

I'm a secondary school teacher.

Save your energy!

Original poster
Whatwasthatagainagain · 05/10/2025 12:01

Kreepture · 05/10/2025 11:00

i wasn't a fan of homework, so we came up with other plans

Some i just point blank refused to do, some we did in the car, some we did on the move/on a walk and i recorded the answers. Some we did in 5 minutes chunks with a reward, and some i wrote the answers she gave me.

all was done with the schools approval, some worked, some didn't.

However, Don't feel all homework needs to be done in one go, in one sitting, and the same place, make it fun, give it movement and novelty.. you might find more gets done!

Show quote history

I wonder if recording the answers might be the way to go... she's quick to know the answers but it takes ages to write them down. But maybe that just means she needs practise with her handwriting!

OP posts:
Squidgemoon · 05/10/2025 12:17

This seems like an insane amount of homework for Y2. I would pick one or two bits a week that you think are most important and concentrate on those. There are no consequences at this age for not doing it and it’s just pointless if it’s stressing everyone out so much.

We did spellings and times tables in the car on the way to school, sometimes reading too (depends if your child gets car sick!)