I'll try to make this clear. Court order states ex collects our kids from school/nursery. However during the school holidays or illness, he then wants to dictate last minute, sometimes giving me less than an hour, what time handover should be and it changes constantly.
So in June I messaged with suggestions for set times for illness and school holidays that gave the most common times he had picked them up since the court order had been put in place in February. He refused to have standard times, he wants a 3 hour open window as on a school day he can choose when to pick them up between 3pm-6pm, same with nursery. I said that the kids and myself need routine, the average time he was picking them up was 5pm due to his work commitments. My main issue is when the kids are ill (they have health issues so operations, hospital appts and illness are a common issue), he wants us to wait around for him decide. Whereas sometimes I will go into work to teach a class for 2 hours and leave one child with very supportive family. Ex also seems to enjoy spending all day messaging/arguing/accusing/threatening me on the days the kids are ill, when my focus should be on them. So I want to limit the constant back and forth.
He then said no to 5pm, and in August, at the end of the summer holidays, he said 4pm. Fine.
This week our nursery age child was ill. I messaged before 9am, stated the 4pm agreed time at the handover location. He didn't read my messages until 4.45pm (I suspect he went to nursery to pick our child up) then promptly said that he was calling the police as our child should be at the handover location at 3pm... he didn't know she was ill at 3pm as he hadn't read the messages. I had taken our unwell child down and waited at 4pm, he hadn't shown so we had returned home where our 3 year old had fallen asleep. Ex had picked our eldest up from school at 3pm. Ex can't be in two locations at once. I don't think it is fair for our youngest to be ill and waiting in a car. Ex says that we need to be flexible and wait around for him. Ex has now said that he wants 3pm as the handover time, CAO says 'from school pick up', and has said that if i am not there at 3pm everytime that he will call the police and keep the kids the additional time. So for example, they should come back today at 6pm, so as we finally rearranged handover to 6.10pm the other day (he says it should have been 3pm), he will keep them until 9.10pm tonight??? To make up for the lost time... he could have just read the messages on the parenting app.
Now obviously if he keeps the kids past the court ordered time of 6pm I will remind him again and then call the police.
In the future, if ex doesn't show up, I think I should wait 20mins and then leave and keep the children. Instead of being threatened with police, social services, return to court, etc, all because he refused to read my messages, and then he wants to dictate a new handover time and we have to drop everything (daughter had to be woken up, I think she would have slept through to the morning as she was still recovering).
3pm- he can't be at two locations at 3pm. Ex has said 3pm so I can't go into work for a couple of hours (ex does not cover sickness, and CAO says he doesn't follow medical advice so can't be trusted anyway!). He said we can stick to 4pm if I pay for wraparound care for him on his days for the kids all year... I've said no, i can't afford to. Between him trying to spend my money on his childcare needs, clothing for his, etc, to knowing that on certain days I try my best to go in and teach my GCSE and A Level classes and use trusted family members when the kids are ill... it just seems like a continuation of control, keeping me on my toes, and financially still controlling me.
Also found out that despite being on Collect and Pay through CMS for 4 months, the payment hasn't been received this month.
The average time since February he has picked the kids up has been about 5pm.
And in the CAO only myself and my mum, who is in her 70s, can do the handover, but due to his erratic behaviour she is too scared to do it. Ex refused everyone else. So I have to be there. Ex clearly said he wants 3pm so I can't work (after an op our child has 2 to 3 weeks off, I'm a teacher and can't just take all that time off!).
Sorry for the long post, seems so silly! I asked the judge to state times... this is why.
Am I unreasonable to stick to the 4pm agreed time?
If he doesn't show, should I wait 20mins and then take the kids home and keep them with me/don't rearrange another handover?
Our other child has another upcoming operation, so this will be an issue again in the next couple of weeks.