To wish my MIL would butt out and my DH would stand up for me

[CarrieLH]

DH has just come home from work in a foul mood basically because I told his mother I was taking a lieu day off tomorrow (having worked the last 2 bank hols)and she has had a wobbler about it 'cos I should take them off when it suits her and when it's useful presumably. I told DH it was none of his mothers' business when I take my annual leave and since I have another 4 weeks owing it's not likely to be a prob if his mum wants to drop out of childcare and we need cover (of course he can NEVER rearrange his work)but he seems to disagree and think she should call the shots. AIBU???

does MIL mind the DCs?
not that that makes much difference though.
yes she shoud butt out
no YANBU

err, does MIL look after your DC then??

oh now let me see

my mother does a lot of my childcare

if I were to take a day off I probably would consult with her, yes

she is running her life around you and it would be only courteous to take her into account when planning your week

This is what happens when family members mind your children!!

Of course you are not being unreasonable, but perhaps she had plans with youe child tomorrow & you have messed them up?

My mam used to mind my sister's dd when she worked & they always had daft tiffs over things like this, exactly like this in fact!! Which is why I pay a childminder & everything is in a contract!!

I do think you shouldn't have to pander to her needs, but perhaps she may have a point about keeping her informed & not just telling her the day before the event that you are taking off.

Am bit confused sorry - is she annoyed because you have a day off and she still has to look after your dd?

never unreasonable when an mil is involved
fancy you having a life

how much notice did you give her?

enough for her to make nice plans to see her friends or go for a day out?

is it a weekend that she can turn into a long weekend and plan to go away?

it isn't, is it?

you just dropped it on her

Just want to check I've got this right - your MIL looks after the dcs and you told her today that you're not working tomorrow so you don't need her to look after the dcs. Is that right.

but she is pandering to your needs

why shouldn't you take her ability to have a life into account?

Maybe she has an appointment next week she would have liked you to have a day off for? Does she have to take your child with her to appointments etc?

And how much notice do you need her to give you when she needs a day off?

See, it's all very complicated, isn't it?

Families, eh?

Sounds like you are in the heat of the moment?

Step back from the situation for a moment.

He's just probably got it in the neck from his mother and he's knackered?

Are you tired?

and i'm not sure why DH should be in a temper becaue you and MIL haven't seen eye to eye. what's it got to do with him if he hasn't had to rearrange plans?

She looks after DD if hubby is working on a thurs pm only. She dropped out last week and asked my mum to cover for soemthing she has had arranged for weeks. My mum nornally has DD on weds if necessary so nothing to do with mil at all as far as I'm concerned. She is constantly questioning me re my working hours, holiday and finances and hubby always sides with her and makes out I'm being irrational. Am really at the point of telling the pair of them to stuff it if I'm going to have to live the next 30 or so years of my life like this.

Does she think you shouldn't be working? I suspect mine does!

MIL is being an MIL. simple. it is in the job description to be interfering and ridiculous. all you have to do is step back smile agree with whatever she says because no amount of arguing will ever change her.
then come and rant here.
but why does hubby side with her - that's a whole new bag of beetles.

oh then YANBU

she is being very unreasonable

and so is your dh

Do you mean your MIL only looks after your child on Thursday afternoons? So why on earth does Weds affect her at all? Am confused.

Katisha - it's my mum that thinks I shouldn't be working. Mil thinks me working and bringing in money is the be all and end all. There's a strong possibility I'll be made redundant by the end of this month so God only knows what I'll be on the receiving end of then...!

edam - weds doesn't affect her at all, need I say more....

Ah - you are in an official No Win position!

None of her bloody business, then, she should keep her beak out and your dh needs a kick up the wotsit.

All sounds very irritating, but does she actually need to know that you're taking a day off? I mean, why tell her? The less she knows, the less ammunition she's got.