To not want to go on holiday next week

[adviceneeded1990]

Due to fly Monday with DH and DSD. House is a state, our animal sitter let us down last min and we’ve had to ask relatives to move into our house to watch the dogs. I’m medicated leading up to a frozen embryo IVF transfer when we get back having already had a failed FET and a miscarriage this year. DH and I aren’t in a good place at all - he is emotionally supportive but the least practical man ever and I get no organisational or mental load help at all unless I spoon feed how to help step by step. I can usually deal with it but hormones are making me unravel. Money isn’t great due to financial burden of IVF either. I just feel like curling into a ball and crying instead of packing. Then I feel ungrateful because I know some people would kill for a holiday with the COL being what it is etc. Just in a total spiral.

Can you use DH and write a long list of tasks that he can do so you can focus on something else?

maybe ask ChatGPT to write a packing list for a holiday - describe where you’re going to for how long how much luggage allowance, ages, activity levels etc then get him to assemble a pile somewhere for you to work through?

You focus on getting house sorted.

Are they the sort of relatives who will help you sort out the house or will they judge you to the point where you want it tidy before you go ?
If you feel comfortable speak to them , maybe they will enjoy giving you a hand ? Especially if you explain how you are feeling and how useless DH is being .

Ignore the rude poster.

I’m guessing the holiday is not refundable at this point, so cancelling won’t help money wise. Once you are there you can relax.

What organisational stuff needs doing? Packing, I’d focus on you and DH can pack for himself and his child. House tidying, how bad is it really? It doesn’t need to be show home standard for relatives, just clean and usable.

And, I kind of hate to say this given where you are with IVF but the least practical man ever and I get no organisational or mental load help at all unless I spoon feed how to help step by step are you sure you want to have a child with someone like this?

Well, it sounds like you're in need of a bit of a holiday. Tell your DH how you feel, and that you really need him to step up and help with getting organized and the house, and enjoy your break!

OP, stay at home and take time and space to think.
Life with a useless impractical man is very hard with children.
Most women bitterly regret having children with them.
You sound overwhelmed.
Let him off and mind yourself.

I just don’t understand why it would be this hard. I hope you have a lovely time when you get there.

A holiday with someone else’s kid isn’t really a holiday!

Make sure your DH is aware you need lots of alone and relaxing time this trip. Get him to pack for himself and SD, and split the jobs tomorrow.

You’ll be fine.

In your place, I would wave them off after insisting your husband makes all his own last minute arrangements and does the packing, then I would enjoy a peaceful week at home by myself.

Totally understand why you feel so overwhelmed. It would be totally ok actually to say I'm feeling awful, I need to just stay at home and try and rest right now and he can go with SD.
Otherwise I'm sure you will have a nice time when you are actually there, write a few lists and give DP one of them to deal with himself, and make sure that you say that when you get there, you are going to be having some time alone napping and reading your book while he goes off with SD.

It is perfectly reasonable to book a holiday limb in advance, then have a change of heart at the time and not want to go. You don’t need to feel guilty about that - things change. The whole point of the holiday is to be enjoyed so if you feel this is not going to be achieved then just say no and have a nice week relaxing at home. A staycation!

You could always not go. Unless it's AI, it will mean you won't spend money on food, drink, entertainment etc, so that's a benefit.

Perhaps DH can still take DSD so she's not disappointed, but if you do this, don't write him lists FFS or get involved with packing etc. You say he can't manage adulthood, but if he holds down a job, he can, he just doesn't if he thinks you will do it for him. So don't.

And I agree with PPs, take the time to relax at home, have some nice long walks out with your dogs and have a really good think about the realities of having a baby with someone who will be a hindrance instead of an involved, capable parent.

Go on holiday as the change of scenery will do you good. As others have suggested ask your DH to get chat gpt to create a packing list. Your dad can pack herself with her dad supervising and you pack your own case.

Call a cleaner and get th to do a one off clean so the house is sorted and you don't need to worry. Give your dog sitting relatives a shopping list and money so they can buy groceries & dog food so that's sorted.

Also, I'm saying this kindly but if your DH isn't practically supportive & refuses to carry the mental load then is he the right person to have a child with? If going on holiday is bringing you to near crisis point, then what would it be like of there was a baby in mix?

Thanks everyone, I’ve taken on board the ChatGPT suggestion and DH is now packing with the AI list to help him while I clean. My relatives definitely wouldn’t judge a less than perfect house, I was just feeling really overwhelmed in a situation that wouldn’t usually overwhelm me - the IVF drugs send me like this every time, it’s like my coping skills get removed by the hormones.

I was probably being harsh on DH last night, he does all the cooking and more than half of the housework usually, which is practical support, it’s just the organisational stuff/remembering stuff he is really rubbish at. He’s started a new job outside of the home 3 days a week/WFH 2 days too whereas previously he WFH full time so kept up with the house more easily - we’re going to have a chat while we’re away about what else we can outsource to take the pressure off e.g. getting a fortnightly deep clean done by a cleaner. I feel more rational after a good nights sleep!