To no longer go out with DP when drinking socially

[Cobaltseas]

I should start by saying that when sober (which is the majority of the time), my DP is a wonderful man.

However, I’ve become increasingly concerned about some of his behaviour when he has had a drink and last night is the final straw.

We were in a pub before dinner, and there was a group of about 7 (young) men and one woman with them. Gradually, the numbers of this group reduced until it was just one of the men remaining with the woman, and it was clear they were a couple.

DP said to me that he didn’t have his money on it being him that was ‘boning’ her and said he is ‘punching’. This got an eye roll from me and I changed the conversation.

A few minutes later, the woman got up to leave (via the toilet) and the man followed about a minute after. He walked past our table and DP said to him (paraphrasing) ‘you have done well with her young man’ to which he replied ‘I know’ .

DP then commented, that it’s one of two things which a woman goes for in those scenario’s, ‘a massive wallet or a massive cock’. DP roared with laughter and the man laughed sheepishly and walked off.

I felt sorry for him, he can’t have been much older than 21 and he was no doubt embarrassed.

AIBU to tell DP he sorts his act out when drinking or that I won’t go out with him in these settings again?

Ya that's weird...and a bit creepy. Why was he paying so much attention to strangers? Does he always watch people he doesn't know and pass remarks? Is he generally bored with his life?

He does like to people watch, but then I suppose I do sometimes. Not in a pub or similar setting though!

Awful. As the pp said, why on earth was he paying so much attention to them? It's weird, inappropriate, embarrassing and incredibly childish.

I like to people watch as well but I don't comment and speak to the people I'm watching!

Reads like your DH took a fancy to the woman if he was that observant! Sorry OP, he sounds like a letch.

Horrible behaviour.
I would have got up and walked out.

Embarrassing and weird- but how does you not going out with him socially help really? He’s still the same, you just won’t see it.

We were not far off leaving ourselves fortunately so didn’t stay for much longer.

I should start by saying that when sober (which is the majority of the time), my DP is a wonderful man.

You mean that when sober your DP behaves in a civilised and acceptable manner. But when he is drunk he loses his inhibitions and you see the real person he is:a disgusting and crude man who behaves in an embarrassing and inappropriate way.

YANBU to refuse to go drinking with him (or to go with him to places with alcohol, if you don't trust that he'll refrain). But are you happy if he just THINKS these things as long as he has the sense/awareness not to say them? Because getting drunk doesn't change his personality or philosophy of life, just removes the social filter.

I think you really need to ask yourself if its healthy that your reaction to finding out your other half is a creep is to... plan to look the other way in future? By dating this man you are encouraging this behaviour. It makes him think he's normal. He's not, he's a creep.

Does your partner ever consider that one day somebody might just smash his face in for saying something like that?

There's nothing wrong with thinking the things he said... It's not outrageous to be speculating about who's shagging who and what the dynamics of the relationship are. But it is very rude and embarrassing to voice these thoughts to the people involved. In your shoes I'd tell him he'd been rude and embarrassing and that I would leave the venue if he acted like that again. But I wouldn't dump him for the thought crime of having opinions while people-watching!

You shouldn't have felt embarrassed for the young man - you should have been embarrassed for yourself. You're the one who is out in public as the partner of the weird and inappropriate knobhead.

I don’t mind him thinking a couple might look a bit odd. I’m sure I’ve probably thought it once or twice. But I’d never say it!

Yeuch. What a total creep. How old is he?

Urgh grim.

YANBU to not want to go out socially with him. But you also have to ask yourself what is the point of being with someone who you are so ashamed of that you can’t bear to be seen with?

He’s a sleazy misogynist and you are (rightly) ashamed of him. What on earth is the point of him?

I too think this is the most likely outcome.