Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To impose a 6.00pm curfew on my 10 year old.

16 replies

shinyshoes · 03/06/2008 21:37

I have been letting my 10 yo(11 in 11 days) out with his mates til about 8.00pm.

He'll be going into the seniors in september.

I called him in at 8.00pm

8.15 he's still out.

I hate the way he thinks he can come and go as he pleases, yet I want him to be no different to his friends that live round here. They all go in around 8.00pm

thing is the boy next door isnt allowed out past 6.00pm, he gets good grades, is very respectful to his dad and behaves impecably (I know I cant spell it!) and I've imposed a curfew, no going out after 6.00pm til he respects me and the worry I have the minute he's out of my sight.

I don't want him to be the 17th child to be stabbed in the capital this year.

He has a free reign to a point but I feel he is abusing it.

The girl he hangs about with keeps threatening him with his arch enemy if she dosent do as he says.

I would love him to be in at 6.00pm like the boy next door and never allowed out school nights but thats not the way we are. I want him to have some sort of freedom.

Opinions please.

OP posts:
nametaken · 03/06/2008 21:49

Make him come in at 6 for the rest of the week as a punishment for not coming in when he was supposed to and then go back to 8 o clock. Perfectly reasonable time for an 11 year to be out in the summer.

He could just as easily be stabbed on his way home from school at 3.30.

2shoes · 03/06/2008 21:50

6 oclock for a yr 6 is way to early.
I used to hate it when ds wouldn't come in when he was told to. tommorow make it 7.30

charliecat · 03/06/2008 21:51

Does he have a watch?

cheeset · 03/06/2008 22:03

Too much freedom, give em an inch etc...

Maybe he has peer pressure to stay out which makes him late...

Whenever my DS (11) is late, whatever time he is late by say 15 mins, I dock if from the next night.

He is never allowed out till 8, has to be in by 7pm so he can shower and relax and read book by 9 lights off.

Not trying to preach to you because we all do it differently.

Sometimes they have too much freedom and by getting it, want it more their own way IYKWIM.

SmugColditz · 03/06/2008 22:06

6pm in the week - 8 at the weekends.

I wasn't allowed out until 8 until I was 13, and this was 15 years ago in leafy suburbia. He's not respecting your curfew - squash it! And if he's late, don't let him out at all the next day.

Lauriefairycake · 03/06/2008 22:35

when's his bed time?

I have a ten year old here (but yr 5) and we are starting to wind down around then, dinner, bath, game, supper, bed at 8 - what's your evening routine?

pointydog · 03/06/2008 22:40

The problem is he's not coming in when you say. If he's not bakc when you say, then I wouldn't let him play out the next night.

I don't see a problem with a 10 yr old staying out till 8pm. He'd have to be back on the dot, though

Tinker · 03/06/2008 22:42

Agree with nametaken. By being in at 6, it doesn't mean he'd then be respectful towards his parentst or improve his grades. (I've a daughter in Yr6, I do sympathise)

Original poster
shinyshoes · 03/06/2008 22:45

there isnt really a routine tbh Lauriefairycake. he comes home form school, gets changed, out, comes in for dinner about 6.00pm, out, in at 8.00, bed at 8.30 -9.00. this is a weekday.

weekends is pretty much does as he pleases as long as he has had a good breakfast, he dissapears pretty much til teatime,

OP posts:
pointydog · 03/06/2008 22:47

you sound quite distant from your son, shiny. Or are things lost in teh writing?

Original poster
shinyshoes · 03/06/2008 22:47

Right I'm going to impose a curfew for few days til he's suffering then I will let him have a little freedom.
At least I know there are others that are letting him out til 8.00pm.

This is only in the summer mind you whilst its light.

In gthe winter its much earlier. I never let him out after dark

OP posts:
Original poster
shinyshoes · 03/06/2008 22:48

No pointydog, I feel like I'm losing him to 'teenagehood' he listens to what I say but I dont think he understands

OP posts:
Lauriefairycake · 03/06/2008 22:49

I wonder if some chores/games with the family might help then- he's using it a bit like a hotel and maybe that's why he's not respecting you enough

jingleyjen · 03/06/2008 22:51

shiney, I think babysteps in getting respect are a good idea.. but I don't think 6pm is going to do that.
What I may or maynot feel about 8pm / 6pm isn't relevant, getting a good working relationship with your son is a great idea.
Good luck, I am sure there are some ladies on here with great advice.

pointydog · 03/06/2008 22:53

It's hard, shiny. You can only do your best

ravenAK · 03/06/2008 23:03

I second the idea of 'fining' him the minutes he goes over his curfew. It's maybe quite broad stroke justice, but it's a simple rule for a 10 year old to understand.

Also, can he 'earn' a later curfew by doing a few chores? Washing up, putting a wash load on etc?

If you do decide on a 6pm curfew, you need to put in place exactly how he can win back his 8pm - 'until I trust you' is too vague, it needs to be something like 'until you've been home at 6pm for a full week'.

Also, can you enforce it? What are you going to do if you say 6 & he buggers off till 9?

I do think you need to make it clear that he can't get away with disregarding you, just be ready for the fallout iyswim...

New posts on this thread. Refresh page