To be really gutted

Thirtysomething123 · 2025-10-04T09:50:39+00:00

I have so much going on at the moment. So much on my plate. Then I applied for my own job (but a permanent contract) and didn’t get it. I feel likes it’s toppled me in to not being able to cope anymore. I feel like everything is too much and now I have to finish working my contract with people that didn’t want me permanently and the person who got my job. I don’t know how to cope. I feel like everything is going wrong. How do I shake myself out of this? How do I keep going? 😢

DrCoconut · 04/10/2025 11:00

I remember being in similar situation. Except there was no one else to do the job. I was there on agency. They told me I didn't have a "sparkly" enough personality to be hired permanently. Then the CF asked me if I would stay until they could recruit someone to the role. Unbelievable. It's a horrible thing to happen and although it doesn't seem like it at the time, hopefully your way is being cleared for better things here.

Original poster

Thirtysomething123 · 04/10/2025 11:04

I strongly suspect that my disability has had an impact here as I need more time off for appointments than a personal without a disability. Which has made me feel even sadder about it!!

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Shutuptrevor · 04/10/2025 11:06

That’s really shit, i’m sorry. You are absolutely not unreasonable to be struggling.

AntiBullshit · 04/10/2025 11:07

DrCoconut · 04/10/2025 11:00

I remember being in similar situation. Except there was no one else to do the job. I was there on agency. They told me I didn't have a "sparkly" enough personality to be hired permanently. Then the CF asked me if I would stay until they could recruit someone to the role. Unbelievable. It's a horrible thing to happen and although it doesn't seem like it at the time, hopefully your way is being cleared for better things here.

Sparky personality - unless you were Tinkerbell . My boss thinks I’m always happy little does know I’m a proper grumpy bitch.

Original poster

Thirtysomething123 · 04/10/2025 11:18

It’s so crap. I can’t even think how I’ll cope in work next week!

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Windowless1995 · 04/10/2025 11:19

Thirtysomething123 · 04/10/2025 11:04

I strongly suspect that my disability has had an impact here as I need more time off for appointments than a personal without a disability. Which has made me feel even sadder about it!!

That's terrible, I'm so sorry.
I don't have any real practical advice on your situation, other than what I do when things feel too much which is just taking one day at a time (I know, how else would you take them 😅) and try to have something to look forward to at the end of each day. Mine would be an episode of the golden girls under my blanket (and a slice of cheesecake at the weekend), just small things that make you happy.
Be kind to yourself and remind yourself that this feeling won't last forever.

Sorry I don't have anything more helpful, I just wanted to share what helps me sometimes.

Original poster

Thirtysomething123 · 04/10/2025 11:25

Windowless1995 · 04/10/2025 11:19

That's terrible, I'm so sorry.
I don't have any real practical advice on your situation, other than what I do when things feel too much which is just taking one day at a time (I know, how else would you take them 😅) and try to have something to look forward to at the end of each day. Mine would be an episode of the golden girls under my blanket (and a slice of cheesecake at the weekend), just small things that make you happy.
Be kind to yourself and remind yourself that this feeling won't last forever.

Sorry I don't have anything more helpful, I just wanted to share what helps me sometimes.

Show quote history

Thank you. That is a good idea. The week has just been one disaster after another

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PumpkinSeasonOctober · 04/10/2025 11:26

How much longer do you have to work there?

Original poster

Thirtysomething123 · 04/10/2025 11:27

6 months 😬

OP posts:

Enough4me · 04/10/2025 11:30

What is your notice period?

Can you apply for other work while there and give your notice if successful?

Original poster

Thirtysomething123 · 04/10/2025 11:31

I’ve applied for a few things but not got them. I will continue to apply but can’t be without a job as DH just been made redundant 😬

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Lemons1571 · 04/10/2025 11:31

Solidarity here. I recently didn’t get a role because apparently I’m “not curious enough”. I am in the least possible career for curiosity that you can imagine 😂 I am still waiting for my request for a definition of curiosity to come back to me - clearly the managers interviewing me don’t really know either.

Original poster

Thirtysomething123 · 04/10/2025 11:37

I referenced too many examples of how I go above and beyond in my job 🙄

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Wishingwelltree · 04/10/2025 11:42

DrCoconut · 04/10/2025 11:00

I remember being in similar situation. Except there was no one else to do the job. I was there on agency. They told me I didn't have a "sparkly" enough personality to be hired permanently. Then the CF asked me if I would stay until they could recruit someone to the role. Unbelievable. It's a horrible thing to happen and although it doesn't seem like it at the time, hopefully your way is being cleared for better things here.

Sparkly? Like a Christmas tree or magic fairy dust. Seriously regardless of what the role is, I can't image someone saying that to me without me laughing or asking what are you talking about?

madaboutpurple · 04/10/2025 14:28

I think managers come up with some stupid phrases and reasons for rejecting people. I really hope you get a new job where you are appreciated far more than you are at the moment. You deserve to be happy at work. I wish you all the best.

Evaka · 04/10/2025 14:32

This sucks OP. I'd spend the coming months ripping the arse out of company time, applying for other roles. Means you'll still have free time to yourself and won't burn out trying to find something else on top of the day job. Also will feel like a little but of satisfying revenge.

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 04/10/2025 14:41

C’mon OP see it as an opp for you to
get something else. It’s not you that’s the issue it’s them. I recently took
voluntarily redundancy as was told I would have to reapply for my role that I had been doing for 5k years. For a whole plethora of reasons I just thought No. This decision has the chances of me really loosing everything if I don’t find other work. But it was the better option than working for an absolute arsehole of a line manager and a car wreck of a company. I do believe these things happen for a reason and you will find something equally if not better.

Original poster

Thirtysomething123 · 05/10/2025 13:57

It’s ridiculous but I have wanted to self harm for the first time in a while. It’s not just this. It’s been a bad week. I can’t get past it!

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Catquest · 05/10/2025 14:09

Deep breaths @Thirtysomething123

This is a huge blow but you at least have 6 months to sort a new job out
Reframe that the other person pipped you but all is not lost.
Rage and eat chocolate in secret and then go into work and do the job you are being paid to do.
During those working hours be calm, zero meltdowns
You have no idea what could happen in the next 6 months but I've seen many occasions where someone didn't get the job but behaved so poorly they showed everyone why they weren't the correct fit.
Show them that you are, quiet, calm and who knows what might happen?
Please seek support if you have thoughts of self harm.

Original poster

Thirtysomething123 · 05/10/2025 14:16

Thank you. You are right I just can’t even imagine how I will be ok in front of people tomorrow 😢

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MatildaTheCat · 05/10/2025 14:20

@Thirtysomething123 I’m really sorry you are feeling so low. Wanting to self harm is really concerning. Do you have anyone in RL to talk to? Any strategies for interrupting those thoughts?

Maybe you aren’t well enough to be working right now. An appointment with your GP could be helpful ( I know not easy to see GPs but if you are honest about your current MH you should get an appointment).

If you’re feeling this low and don’t have anyone to talk to please consider calling the Samaritans on 116123.

(I have actually been in a similar work situation in the past and it hurt like hell. It did all work out but the first week or two were hard. Take time off if you need to)

Take care.

Hallywally · 05/10/2025 21:17

Aw OP, that’s awful and I totally understand how you feel. Different circs but I went for a temporary promotion last year (that I have all the skills & experience for) and none of us got it! 🤣😭It was an important senior management vacancy and made it much harder on the other senior managers having it vacant for months (don’t want to go into too much detail in case it’s outing) so I was worse than having no one in post! I’ve also been for a permanent vacancy that I was doing on temporary promotion and didn’t get it and the same job at other sites- jobs I’d been doing for years. I’ve also been lucky to have permanent employment at other sites but it is a kick in the gut. You will dust yourself down and make a plan to move yourself forward but I do feel for you.

Hallywally · 05/10/2025 21:21

The most pointless feedback I’ve ever received (and had a few times)- oh you were so good, we really liked you, great answers but someone else just scored slightly higher- just a few points in it… but never an explanation as what made them score higher. Waste of time!

Hallywally · 05/10/2025 21:23

@DrCoconutive been told my answers were too rehearsed and I seemed like I’d prepared too much! Wtf? 😭😭