Just realised I’m taking my bad experience’s with men out on my husband.

[marshsmellow]

I have noticed an increase in disrespect lately from men. I was walking home the night before last and it was raining heavily but I had a dome umbrella so was relatively dry, I saw a car coming past a big puddle with a couple of young men and I saw them look at me, look at each other smile and speed up to the puddle while laughing.
It made me so angry I couldn’t bring myself to be near Dh when I got home so I pretended to be tired so he wouldn’t try.
I have noticed a pattern in every time I encounter a man who’s either shoulder barged me or been an arse on the roads I feel angry at Dh and just don’t want him near me.

I didn’t realise I was doing this until I was with a friend yesterday and a man pushed in front of her in a shop queue and then I noticed when she came out the shop her attitude towards her Dh changed for a minute and that’s when I stopped and noticed I subconsciously do that too.

Is that because of your DH (as in, him specifically), or just because he's a man, or just because he happens to be in the firing line when you're angry?

I think I’m just taking the behaviour of men out on an a man.

I'm not sure who the people are who think your behaviour isn't unreasonable, because it's the very definition of unreasonable. He hasn't offended you so don't be a dick to him.

What are you hoping for from this thread? Your OP doesn't really say?

What erm never heard of this before but stop treating your hubby so badly ridiculous taking something your angry about on him.

I think you are being very unreasonable op but I also kind of understand because I find I have to recalibrate myself sometimes around my dh too. He’s not a bad person, but he also isn’t a perfect one and sometimes I’m primed to see him as another man, rather than as the person he is.

He inhabits a very male centric world through his work and was raised with sexist roles reinforced, and although he’s emphatically not a dick, being married to me has broadened his education on feminist issues. But he has challenged my perspectives too.

He’s had much more experience of disrespectful, toxic masculinity, through school, and continuing in the workplace. You might be surprised if you talk to your dh, how much closer his experience lies to yours than to the bastards he shares a gender classification with.

Flip it. Say a female coworker pissed off DH. He came home and acted cold towards you.

How would you feel? Personally, I'd be really unimpressed.

So a woman acting badly is fine?

I would share these instances with my husband it's interesting you don't seem to? Do you think you feel he resembles elements of these men and that he wouldn't understand? How is your partner ? How does he treat you?
Maybe it's not taking it out on him but holding back from him because you don't feel safe and secure with him? Is that a possibility?

My reaction would have been to have ranted about what happened to dh and he'd have been suitably annoyed on my behalf.

Have you perhaps witnessed your husband behaving like this in the past to others, or could you imagine him doing it? If so, YANBU other than for not calling him out on it. If not, you need to stop blaming him for the actions of other people.