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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner spent most of a wedding party talking to a friend

22 replies

GrzSts · 03/10/2025 21:41

My partner and I have been together for 10 years. We went to a wedding recently and he was the best man. I'm good friends with the bride and groom. During the wedding, which started at 15:00, my partner was with the wedding party, of course, which is fine. After the ceremony, there was some finger food, and we stayed there for about 1:30h. During this time, pictures were taken, etc, and my partner came to the table to join us for some of the time, after talking to a (male) friend that he hadn't seen in a few years. We then left for the reception. At the reception, which started at 6:00, there was no sitting plan, and I looked for a table, and my partner. I saw a table which would accommodate myself and the children. I assumed my partner was elsewhere with the groom as he had to do his speech. After the speech, he carried on talking enthusiastically to this (male) friend. About 10:00 in the evening, when there were some people already leaving, he came to me and said: "we need to spend some time together". And I said "yes, we do". He went to his friend again, and came back minutes later, danced a bit, disappeared a bit more. Yes, we didn't spend any time together at the reception at this point, besides de couple of drinks that he brought over to my table. Yes, I did mingle a bit, I spoke a bit with the ladies who went to the hen party, the groom's family, my children, the bride's boss who was sitting next to me. But, I also watched other couples dancing together, laughing and spending time together. I understand that he hadn't seen the friend for a while, which lives in the same city as us, by the way. But, am I expecting too much to have some "attention" from my partner in our very good friends wedding?

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 03/10/2025 21:48

It’s often not much fun being the partner of the best man, I remember DH was a best man about 15 years ago and he spoke to me about 5 minutes the whole day. I think they get a bit caught up in the ‘I’m the best man’ thing and sod everybody else!

So not great, but also not massively unusual I don’t think.

nomas · 03/10/2025 21:51

It’s not great behaviour from him.

What is he like day to day? Are you happy with him?

Trying to understand if this is a one off due to the excitement of a wedding or if this is him.

InSpainTheRain · 03/10/2025 21:52

Being the best man is stressful so I'd cut him some slack. Unless he usually desserts you i would let this one go. Maybe arrange to meet up with the friend in a couple of months all together?

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 03/10/2025 21:52

It was a friend he hadn't seen for a while
You know how it is, you keep saying "we must meet up" and it doesn't happen
They then happened to be in the same room and spent time catching up

He did come back over several times to talk to you

FuzzyWolf · 03/10/2025 21:53

He was the best man and catching up with an old friend. I think you were misguided to have expected he would be spending much or any of the wedding with you.

KoalaKoKo · 03/10/2025 21:54

What age are your kids? If the kids don’t need minding I would be less bothered but I would be pissed at being left as the designated child minder.

Smartiepants79 · 03/10/2025 22:54

Unless this happens all the time then I think you’re being a bit harsh and dramatic. He didn’t ignore you. You had other people to talk to. He was the best man. He’d not seen this person in quite some time??
My DH has been best man twice and neither of those times did he get much chance to spend a lot of couple time! A large wedding, where you are part of the wedding party is not really an occasion I’d expect to spend a lot of one on one time. One of those times we had both our young children with us. I had accepted from the beginning that he would be busy with other things and other people.

Sweetbeansandmochi · 03/10/2025 23:08

I think it’s very busy being best man but I do also get how ‘on your own it can be’ and it doesn’t feel great.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 03/10/2025 23:14

Catching up with people you otherwise wouldn’t see is the best bit about a big event like this. However he wasn’t doing his bit as a dad, if you were left in sole charge of the dc.

I can spend time with DH any time. It’s the other people that you go out for!

blinkblinkblinkblink · 03/10/2025 23:38

Yes, it is too much to expect when he's effectively on duty. Being part of the wedding party had to be his priority that day.

JFDIYOLO · 04/10/2025 00:15

As best man, he was part of the show. You were part of the audience.
Let it go.

WatchingTheDetective · 04/10/2025 00:17

JFDIYOLO · 04/10/2025 00:15

As best man, he was part of the show. You were part of the audience.
Let it go.

He was just talking to one particular mate all the time, though. Those are not best man duties.

CypressGrove · 04/10/2025 01:34

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 03/10/2025 23:14

Catching up with people you otherwise wouldn’t see is the best bit about a big event like this. However he wasn’t doing his bit as a dad, if you were left in sole charge of the dc.

I can spend time with DH any time. It’s the other people that you go out for!

This! I presume OP and her DH live together and have plenty of time to chat. A wedding is a great time for catching up with other people.

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 04/10/2025 02:40

You are being unreasonable

Darragon · 04/10/2025 02:56

YABU, I go to big group events to see friends and catch up with them. If my DH got mardy because I was talking to friends at a wedding where I hadn’t seen them for ages, and where my DH also had friends he could and should have been talking to, I’d be rethinking my relationship because being controlled and being stuck with someone who wants to cling to me instead of seeing their own friends isn’t my thing.

unsurewhattodoaboutit · 04/10/2025 03:08

I can never understand these threads. I must have a different type of relationship, one in which I don’t feel like I need to be joined at the hip to my DH. Surely there were people there that you wanted to catch up with too? I presume if your kids were small you would have said in your post so you could have mingled yourself?

toomuchfaff · 04/10/2025 12:16

YABU

If you were the MOH, and your DH was being off with you because you were not giving them attention at your best friends wedding where there were loads of your friends you hadn't seen for years and you were having a fabulous time, not ignoring him - the thread would be telling you to LTB, that he was being petulant, childish etc.

It's his best mates wedding

arcticpandas · 04/10/2025 12:23

Yabu. You're not at a wedding to spend time with your partner, you see him every day. You sound very possessive and I would find it suffocating if my dh acted like this.

DaisyChain505 · 04/10/2025 12:25

He was best man and had a lot of responsibilities. He was also seeing people he hadn’t seen for a long time.

If you were maid of honour and he was having a strop saying you weren’t spending enough time with him it would look controlling.

Delatron · 04/10/2025 12:26

I would be fine with this. I see DH all the time so would be mingling and chatting with others and not paying any attention to what he is doing.

I mean it is a little strange to speak to one person for the whole day and not mingle with others. But I wouldn’t want DH to be stuck to my side.

Schoolchoicesucks · 04/10/2025 12:30

He was the best man. I'd anticipate that he'd be spending most of his time fulfilling that role and as long as I knew other people there would expect not to spend a big chunk of the day with him.

indoorplantqueen · 04/10/2025 12:53

I see dh every day, I only see some of my friends once every few months / years so spending time with our friends would be a priority in that situation. How old are your kids though? If they are young and needed looking after that might be different.

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