Hi everyone. I’m looking for some perspective and support.
I’m married with two children (11 and 14). We lived together in Kuwait for 14 years, then moved to the UK. The husband is British and I’m here in London as his dependent on a spouse visa. We came to the UK for our children’s education and future. He always talked about not wanting to live in the UK and setting up a business in Ghana. And he did. He’s in Ghana now with his mother; I’m in London with the kids. We’ve been apart for about a year.
He comes every 3-4 months and stays for a couple of weeks in London with us. He calls and messages daily about the weddings and funerals he has attended,(apparently, it is a big thing in Ghana) and business matters, but hasn’t had much success with the business and says he can’t return because of the investments he’s made. He doesn’t want to live in the UK. I can’t leave the UK for another four years until I get indefinite leave to remain, and I need to stay here for the children until they finish school. I feel lonely, neglected and increasingly resentful. I’ve told him how I feel, but he insists he can’t come back.
I’m trying to understand whether my feelings are reasonable and what I can do now to cope or improve things. I am trying to keep myself busy here in London, with some part time jobs, online courses, weekend activities but it is difficult to look after two teenage kids when my husband is not here and it it not even my country. Luckily I speak the language well and have a few people to talk to. But the problem is I feel less and less like a wife and a woman and more like a mother to these kids only. Am I being unreasonable resenting my husband because he did not choose to live with us and start anew in the UK after years of being an expat?