Are you happier as a single parent? need a handhold

user2466 · 2025-10-03T09:58:03+00:00

It’s been almost two weeks since my partner moved out. Deep down I know it was probably for the best but it still feels so raw and hard. When does it get better? Any regrets?

shellyleppard · 03/10/2025 11:00

@user2466 sending the biggest of hugs. It does get better.... eventually. Been a single parent for over 10 years now and the first few months were hell. Took me all my time to get my sons up, dressed fed and to school. Then I would come home and cry. But..... eventually you have to get on with it. Sorry if that's harsh but....you also have to grieve for the relationship you lost. Sending hugs x

MildlyAnnoyed · 03/10/2025 11:04

I split up with my husband about 2 years ago. It’s much, much better not being together. I am far happier . I don’t dread going home anymore, there’s significantly less arguments at home (my children are teens& argumentative at the best of times). It won’t seem it at the moment for you, but it will be significantly better.

SanFranBear · 03/10/2025 11:04

I can't respond on the regrets thing - it wasn't my decision or, at the time, my choice but my goodness, I am so glad now.

It's not just that ExH has turned into someone I don't recognise (conspiracy theorist, homophobe, misogynist) but when we were together, I was the breadwinner and he stayed at home. I am still obviously the breadwinner 😁 but I had to get more involved with the 'home' element and my relationship with my DC is better than it ever would've been had he stayed put. I had to change a lot when they were teensy (DC were 3 & 1 at the time, they're 16 & 13 now!) but we are so close, a really tight unit and our family life and home is peaceful, open, daft and genuinely joyful most of the time.

It's still such early days for you, OP - it took me about 9-10 months to feel on more of an even keel and at least a few years to feel fully settled. It's not the life you expected perhaps but it is your new life and you will eventually soar! I wish you nothing but happiness for the future!

BlackeyedSusan · 03/10/2025 11:09

It is hard. It is a big adjustment. It does get easier as you get used to it and doing things your way, but it is not easy.

There will be tough times and there will be less tough times but you will get through it.

Mine were 2 and 4. Disabled parent of disabled children.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 03/10/2025 11:13

Honestly, yes, i am.

It takes some time to deal with the trauma of how you became a single parent though

Sorry you're going through a break up, and grief for what you thought your life would be xx

Original poster

user2466 · 03/10/2025 11:20

Thank you.

I felt like I did 90% of the parenting, worked part time but he was awful with his money so I was always picking up the slack. Because he was in so much debt he’d do longer hours but would be playing catch up with rent, insurance, car finance etc.

The main reason were his family, he couldn’t fully break away from their control and manipulation and after an argument about how burnt out I am he moved back in with them (because I apparently kicked him out when I said he should leave and move back in with them if he can’t hack being a dad).

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 03/10/2025 11:23

Only regret is not doing it far far sooner.
two weeks in was around about the time I realised I’d never have to hear his key in the lock, pick up his pants off the floor etc ever again. I literally skipped to work that day. Little things make so much difference - I used to seethe doing the HW that it wasn’t my fucking turn again, now I sing and dance around. Same chores, totally different mindset.

shellyleppard · 03/10/2025 11:23

@user2466 yep they always make you out to be the bad guy.....keep your chin up. You got this x

INeedAnotherAlibi · 03/10/2025 11:48

Yes, absolutely. First 6 months were really tough. I’d grown very dependent on him (he was quite controlling) and I struggled to ‘adult’ without him. But I worked on myself (therapy, exercise, promotion) and it gradually got easier. Main thing is DD is far happier so it was worth it in the end. I can’t explain how much nicer it is to live in a peaceful, happy home.

MyKhakiPanda · 03/10/2025 11:52

The friends I know who have recently become single parents have all said the same thing - even in the relationship they were a single parent, doing most of the work, doing the majority of stuff with kids and so on. The one's who are sharing child care 50-50, 60-40, say while they don't love having their kids half of the time they do appreciated the free time they now have.
2 who now have new partners have also both said that there's no way they'd co-habit again with men! They're perfectly happy in a home that is just for them and their kids, while the boyfriends also have their own places. They don't want to be picking up all the time after an extra person (man-child!).
Luckily both partners are okay with this... at least til al children have left home.

timeandagainagain · 03/10/2025 12:36

Hang in there. It gets better - much much better. I am four years out and I am genuinely happier than I have been in two decades (was married for 19). It did take a few years to get through the worst of it, but it gets better day by day. You do have to put in place boundaries with your ex so the scope for regression and staying mired in the conflict/turmoil is limited.

Netcurtainnelly · 03/10/2025 13:17

MyKhakiPanda · 03/10/2025 11:52

The friends I know who have recently become single parents have all said the same thing - even in the relationship they were a single parent, doing most of the work, doing the majority of stuff with kids and so on. The one's who are sharing child care 50-50, 60-40, say while they don't love having their kids half of the time they do appreciated the free time they now have.
2 who now have new partners have also both said that there's no way they'd co-habit again with men! They're perfectly happy in a home that is just for them and their kids, while the boyfriends also have their own places. They don't want to be picking up all the time after an extra person (man-child!).
Luckily both partners are okay with this... at least til al children have left home.

Stereotype not all men are dirty and untidy and need picking up after.

Perhaps they are attrating the wrong men.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/10/2025 13:42

Netcurtainnelly · 03/10/2025 13:17

Stereotype not all men are dirty and untidy and need picking up after.

Perhaps they are attrating the wrong men.

Show quote history

Read the thread. The op has already detailed that her ex was one of these.

CandyRibbon · 03/10/2025 13:45

Absolutely not

MyKhakiPanda · 03/10/2025 14:20

Netcurtainnelly · 03/10/2025 13:17

Stereotype not all men are dirty and untidy and need picking up after.

Perhaps they are attrating the wrong men.

Show quote history

perhaps, one was with her DH from age 21 - 45, and the other from mid-20s for 25 years. I'm just repeating what they've said! They have their own homes, in their own names, where they live with their children and aren't in a hurry to change that anytime soon!

SanFranBear · 03/10/2025 16:32

Netcurtainnelly · 03/10/2025 13:17

Stereotype not all men are dirty and untidy and need picking up after.

Perhaps they are attrating the wrong men.

Show quote history

Why is there always someone keen to jump in with 'Not All Men' and somehow twist it so that it's the women's fault - they should've picked better!! - every fucking time...

It is tiresome and totally pointless... and not even what this thread is about! Fucks sake...

Meadowfinch · 03/10/2025 16:44

No, no regrets OP.

Just overwhelming relief that I could move me and ds(2) into a calm happy flat without the toxic, spiteful stepdaughter(25) or the frankly insane ex-wife who kept bouncing back like a bad penny.

The ability to raise my son to be gentle, kind and considerate. Not have the vile in-laws trying to turn him into a sideshow. No-one trying to feed him Pepsi at 2, or endless sweets or other rubbish. Or insist he went to parties at 8pm.

I found a lovely competent childminder, a full time job nearby and we spent a year in a happy warm little cocoon before I could buy a house and move us somewhere permanent.

Good luck. If you are like me, the relief will permeate gradually over the next 8 weeks. xx

Thepeopleversuswork · 03/10/2025 16:44

I’m a million times happier as a single parent (technically I am not on my own but I am a single parent.

It took me probably 18 months to feel my life was stable and another six to start feeling enjoyment. From then onwards it’s been like having a weight lifted. I am happier, healthier, richer than I was. My child is happy and settled and generally it’s been probably the best decision I have ever made.

You will get there. Life is so much better without all that baggage.

Original poster

user2466 · 05/10/2025 21:24

Thank you. The general response seems to show that although it’s hard at first, it appears to be the better decision longer term.

How did you deal with the lonely mornings/nights? I find them the hardest. It’s hard to take up a hobby such as gym etc when you’re now a single parent to an almost two year old and have no time to yourself

OP posts:

ladygindiva · 05/10/2025 21:58

You're in the hard bit. Been there. I promise it gets better; especially if you realise this soon that it's for the best. The adjustment period is difficult but better times are ahead x

ladygindiva · 05/10/2025 21:59

One piece of advice; if you can afford a babysitter , get one as frequently as you can afford and get out and see people, build a network of friends and maintain it. Really helps with the loneliness

SanFranBear · 07/10/2025 15:11

It is lonely when they're small, no doubt about it.. but I tried to fill the time with things I enjoy, like baking - which my children also enjoyed the results of - or learning a new skill. I learned to cross-stitch - so so easy, can do it in front of the tv and you have sonething to show for it at the end!

I also did YouTube dance workouts and things like the 30 Day Shred which can be short and sweet if you don't have much time.

Zoom is sooo much better than when mine was small (and Skype was about as good as it got) so perhaps arrange an online pub night with friends or, that lockdown staple, a quiz night. Might seem a lot of effort but it all helps.

You're right though, it is lonely but you're also 100% right in that its tough to start but absolutely the right thing to do 9 times out of 10!