Am I over reacting or is this just really unfair?

[mothermouse30]

Just need a reality check.. my partner works really long hours and I’m on mat leave with our second. I’ve been doing all the night feeds - no complaining part of the deal.

but now he’s suggesting we skip visiting my family in Ireland at Christmas because it’s too much with with baby but we’re still going to his family the week before.. I’m knackered and feel furious..

am I being unreasonable?

It depends. You're knackered but you're still happy to go to Ireland? Is he thinking about you or trying to make his own life easier? Was it a suggestion, or a diktat? Where are his parents - easier to visit than Ireland? But it depends on how much Christmas means to you. Personally, with a small baby I'd wait until warmer weather. So you need to talk to him, listen, and get him to listen to you.

How close do his family live to you? Have you asked him why it’s the visit to your parents that is being suggested to be skipped?

Well he suggested it. You can say no I presume and tell him you want to go. It's only an hour flight (I assume)

Where is his family? Surely that makes a huge difference. Plus what’s his usual motive- looking out for you or doesn’t like your family?

You’re free to say no and still go visit your family. You’re the knackered one so it’s your choice to make.

Funny how it’s your family who he doesn’t want to see at Christmas as it’s too much and not the trip to see his own which he’s finding manageable 🙄

Don’t let him alienate you from your family when you need the support and when I bet your family are desperate to spend time with your baby over Christmas!

This is a bit of a stretch when OP hasn’t even said yet how far away his family are! For all we know it could be 6+ hours of travel to Ireland vs 45 mins down the road to his family, vastly different.

His family live in Yorkshire so it’s a decent journey from London but obviously no flight

Travelling London to Yorkshire is equally stressful so I suggest this year doing both or neither, then after this year alternate Ireland and Yorkshire.

It's not unusual when a baby comes have to take turns with family. Two trips can be difficult, knock a baby off routine. This obviously depends on how far away they are. If flights are involved you could do every second year and maybe an Easter trip to the other family. However if you really want to go home then tell him, worst scenario you go alone or if baby is too young, go with baby and leave him at home. Then he can go visit his family alone next year and you stay home.

It's not unusual when a baby comes have to take turns with family. Two trips can be difficult, knock a baby off routine. This obviously depends on how far away they are. If flights are involved you could do every second year and maybe an Easter trip to the other family. However if you really want to go home then tell him, worst scenario you go alone or if baby is too young, go with baby and leave him at home. Then he can go visit his family alone next year and you stay home.

OP, tell him no problem: he can go to Yorkshire and you’ll take the DC to Ireland. I suspect he will say that it’s not fair because his DPs will want to see the DC - tell him it’s exactly the same for your DPs whom you want to see as well, and if he isn’t willing to go to Ireland, you’ll go without him.

I think you just need to discuss this. It's totally understandable if you don't want to do either. It's also understandable if you both favour going to see your own family. But then it's down to compromise and fairness if that's the case. I wouldn't really have wanted to go anywhere with a baby that involved staying over with relatives.