Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How to deal/tolerate colleague?

7 replies

Allthepillows · 02/10/2025 00:08

This is really getting me down. I have to work with a woman every week at work. There’s a slight power imbalance in that she’s staff and I’m on an contract and therefore does hold more power over me although she shouldn’t. She’s also twenty years older than me and the other colleague in our small team and it feels like another way of asserting superiority / dominance.

my issue with her is that on the one hand, she can be very nice and charming but she’s also constantly spikey. Every other comment can be a barb if she disagrees/doesn’t like what you say. It’s not personal. She’s like this with everyone. But I’m exhausted. It’s draining and really getting me down and I’m starting to realise that actually she is just deeply unpleasant and a bit bullying.

I am probably going to get flamed for this but she is also a vegan, anti the flags, pro Palestine but actually I think she’s just awful, completely hypocritical and doesn’t embody the values she claims to espouse whilst shooting down others she deems as unworthy. I am black and I was lectured last week about how awful the flags are, how intimidating they are, that it’s “disgusting” as they appeared on some streets near us. I found the way she spoke to me about it really offensive. Just faux handwringing. She then told me that I should write to the boss of our company asking when they’d be taken down outside our building (it’s nothing to do with him as it’s not on our property) because he would listen to me than her. ( he won’t . ) then she told me I didn’t seem very upset by the flags.

I’ve been furious all week. She’s generally very difficult and I dont think she’s changed or got worse. I’m just struggling to deal with her more and more.

I see her several times a week and I just really hate her.

OP posts:
AbzMoz · 02/10/2025 01:27

In terms of political statements in the office, I’d suggest you build and stick to a script - ‘I’d rather not discuss non-work/political matters in the office; can we get back on track with the discussion on the project/budget/etc?’
Could you keep discussions over email / slack, where either it’s less likely she will type out her views, or if she does, it’s documented?

You could also mention to your manager / HR that work keeps getting derailed/made uncomfortable because of this, and do they have any policies or suggestions to stop this?

Allthepillows · 02/10/2025 22:15

AbzMoz · 02/10/2025 01:27

In terms of political statements in the office, I’d suggest you build and stick to a script - ‘I’d rather not discuss non-work/political matters in the office; can we get back on track with the discussion on the project/budget/etc?’
Could you keep discussions over email / slack, where either it’s less likely she will type out her views, or if she does, it’s documented?

You could also mention to your manager / HR that work keeps getting derailed/made uncomfortable because of this, and do they have any policies or suggestions to stop this?

Thank you. I might try saying that. It would be hard to go to HR. That would be seen as very serious and it would effectively curtail the end of my job in this company.

OP posts:
Allthepillows · 03/10/2025 10:11

bump. just still thinking about this and feeling so aggrieved.

I know I need to move on.

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 03/10/2025 10:23

Allthepillows · 03/10/2025 10:11

bump. just still thinking about this and feeling so aggrieved.

I know I need to move on.

Unfortunately, as a freelancer there’s very little you can do other than take your services elsewhere and explain to her manager why you are doing so.
You can absolutely refuse to engage in non-work conversations, but that’s about it!

ScribblingPixie · 03/10/2025 10:35

She sounds truly awful and I agree with building a script. I have a friend who is very effective at shutting down political conversations, she just kills them with something like "Hmmm, possibly," and then says nothing at all or "I must get on." The flags lecture did deserve a rebuke though. Would it be impossible just to have said, "That would be my decision," in an even, end-of-conversation way?

jeaux90 · 03/10/2025 11:18

Gawd, people who bang on about their opinions like there can’t be any other possible view are insufferable.

I agree, there are some stock phrases you might try and get comfortable with.

“I don’t discuss politics at work”
”No I won’t be doing that Janet as I don’t engage in politics at work”
“You may feel that way, but we live in a democracy and people are allowed alternative opinions”
“Meh, let’s crack on with this agenda shall we?”

Find a few things that work for you. I am more of a No/direct person but I know lots of people aren’t!

pottylolly · 03/10/2025 11:41

I sympathise. Had an Israeli manager at my last workplace who was not only vocally pro-Israeli military (all while not serving herself funnily enough) / anti-Palestine but she’d make racist comments too. Her favourite game was to get someone to make anti-Israeli comments so she could report them to HR for anti-semitism. When she found out, through another colleague, that I was involved in several donation drives to Gaza she began to target me.

I absolutely refused to get drawn into any personal chats with her to the point where I marked myself as busy just for her on Teams & sat in another part of the building when she was in. This meant that any communications she had with me were professional and via Teams and Email.

Eventually she went through a disciplinary after another Israeli colleague reported her for harassment.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page