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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure I am cut out for more than one child?

34 replies

mumofone91 · 01/10/2025 06:36

I have always wanted more than one child. I always thought two or three but now I have had one I have struggled and am wondering if I am even cut out for that.

My DS is 7 months, i would love for him to have a sibling but I can’t see that I will ever be ready or good enough to have another.

Does or did anyone else feel this way? Or maybe a sign to stop at one?

OP posts:
whimsicallyprickly · 01/10/2025 06:38

My sister only had one child. Super happy all round. No problems at all

She always thought she'd have 3 or 4

🙂

WhatNoRaisins · 01/10/2025 06:39

I think a lot of people feel like that with babies. Some change their minds later on, when child number one starts sleeping more is often the point. Some don't and that's fine too.

aurynne · 01/10/2025 06:40

I've always been cut out for zero children, and could not be any more fulfilled. You do what makes you happy.

Iguessicoulddothat · 01/10/2025 06:42

I spent a lot of time worrying about this with a baby. 4 years on I still have the one, would love the capacity for more but it wouldn't have been a good idea. But the worry was for nothing and I should have just enjoyed my baby. Lots will change in the next months and years so no need for permanent decisions now.

Kaleidoscope2 · 01/10/2025 06:44

I was similar to you until my eldest was 3 and then I decided I did want another. If I hadn't changed how I felt emotionally or mentally then I think I'd have been happy being one and done but as it is I'm very glad we went for number 2 and I found the jump between 1 to 2 much much smoother than 0 to 1. I don't ever think there is a right or wrong answer to this, just how you feel and what's best for your particular family unit.

WorriedMillie · 01/10/2025 06:44

I’m definitely not cut out for more than one child. I adore the child I have and I’m at peace with just having one ❤️

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 01/10/2025 06:45

Just enjoy your baby, you are in the thick of it at the moment. Of course one is fine.
As your baby develops into a toddler you may or may not feel different x

MidnightPatrol · 01/10/2025 06:45

It took until my child was about 2.5 until I felt ready to have another.

At 7 months, you still have a small baby, and they are all-encompassing in a way an older child is not.

Once your life looks more normal and you sleep properly, the thought of a second is more palatable.

YellowSubmarine994 · 01/10/2025 07:40

I think it's so different for everyone and you just have to roll with it. Personally, I felt similar to you at 7 months in, while really in the trenches of baby parenting, that I didn't want to do this again. Low and behold, when she got to around 2 yo and things started getting easier again we decided we want another. Equally, many people are one and done these days and really happy with that choice. So go with what your gut is saying.

Dudgeon · 01/10/2025 07:43

I had one child by choice. He’s now a teenager and I have no regrets whatsoever.

Tagyoureit · 01/10/2025 07:45

There is nothing wrong with just having one child. I was an only and life was just fine as a child.

I now have 2 kids, ds11 and dd5, that constantly bicker, dont get on and just scream at each other 92% of their time together. Its miserable, ruins most day outs, holidays, its soul destroying. I've now gotten to the point of no matter where we are, if they bicker, we're all going home and that included a little pop in to aldi the other day! I've honestly had enough of them and their bickering.

And it makes me really sad that 1 day they will just go their separate ways and probably never speak again.

Im not saying this will be the same for you but its not all roses and you do not have to have another child if you dont want to.

Tagyoureit · 01/10/2025 07:45

There is nothing wrong with just having one child. I was an only and life was just fine as a child.

I now have 2 kids, ds11 and dd5, that constantly bicker, dont get on and just scream at each other 92% of their time together. Its miserable, ruins most day outs, holidays, its soul destroying. I've now gotten to the point of no matter where we are, if they bicker, we're all going home and that included a little pop in to aldi the other day! I've honestly had enough of them and their bickering.

And it makes me really sad that 1 day they will just go their separate ways and probably never speak again.

Im not saying this will be the same for you but its not all roses and you do not have to have another child if you dont want to.

Original poster
mumofone91 · 01/10/2025 08:00

Thanks for the replies! I see my sister who has 3 kids absolutely nailing it and with a job too. I would like that life but just don’t think I can do it which makes me sad.

OP posts:
Beautifulhaiku · 01/10/2025 08:02

Agree with other people that you don’t have to decide now and your feelings may well change over the next few years (or not, and that’s fine also).

Are you struggling with anxiety generally? Your mention of not being ‘good enough’ made me wonder. Please do seek help if you’re struggling. x

Beautifulhaiku · 01/10/2025 08:05

Tagyoureit · 01/10/2025 07:45

There is nothing wrong with just having one child. I was an only and life was just fine as a child.

I now have 2 kids, ds11 and dd5, that constantly bicker, dont get on and just scream at each other 92% of their time together. Its miserable, ruins most day outs, holidays, its soul destroying. I've now gotten to the point of no matter where we are, if they bicker, we're all going home and that included a little pop in to aldi the other day! I've honestly had enough of them and their bickering.

And it makes me really sad that 1 day they will just go their separate ways and probably never speak again.

Im not saying this will be the same for you but its not all roses and you do not have to have another child if you dont want to.

Just to say that my brother (4 years older) and I didn’t get on as kids but now we’re pretty close as adults, and I know many other people who were the same. No guarantees obviously but I wouldn’t assume they won’t be close as adults due to them not getting on at 5 and 11.

Crunchingleaf · 01/10/2025 08:11

Your baby is very young yet so naturally you are struggling to imagine another on top of it. You may change your mind once your baby gets older you might not.
Babies constantly need hands on care in a way older children don’t.

Pussert · 01/10/2025 08:17

Tagyoureit · 01/10/2025 07:45

There is nothing wrong with just having one child. I was an only and life was just fine as a child.

I now have 2 kids, ds11 and dd5, that constantly bicker, dont get on and just scream at each other 92% of their time together. Its miserable, ruins most day outs, holidays, its soul destroying. I've now gotten to the point of no matter where we are, if they bicker, we're all going home and that included a little pop in to aldi the other day! I've honestly had enough of them and their bickering.

And it makes me really sad that 1 day they will just go their separate ways and probably never speak again.

Im not saying this will be the same for you but its not all roses and you do not have to have another child if you dont want to.

We have the same age gap with our oldest two. Got through holidays by always bringing a friend or cousin the same age for my son. It worked really well. They had nothing in common at that age with 6.5 year gap.
Now 23 and 17 and get on grand.

Didimum · 01/10/2025 08:21

I’d reframe the ‘good enough’ and ‘cut out for’ talk for starters. Not wanting more than one child has nothing to do with being ‘good enough’ for it. You don’t enjoy child rearing right now. 1) that’s ok and. 2) it may/may not change.

There’s too much guilt here – all coming from external expectations of what you ‘should’ do. You are the only one qualified to say what you ‘should’ do. A person should not be brought into this world due to societal pressure or to arbitrarily be a sibling provider.

redemptionwoes · 01/10/2025 08:23

7 months is still a pretty hard age with sleep regression etc. raising children ebbs and flows in how hard/easy it is (or how easy you make it). You may well find by age 2 or 3 that you have changed your mind. Right now it’s too easy to say for definite whether you want to be “one and done”

Bearbookagainandagain · 01/10/2025 08:27

mumofone91 · 01/10/2025 08:00

Thanks for the replies! I see my sister who has 3 kids absolutely nailing it and with a job too. I would like that life but just don’t think I can do it which makes me sad.

It's way too soon to know whether you'll want another child or not. A lot of siblings have 2-3 years or more between them.

My siblings have very big families and it seemed so easy looking at them from afar! The reality of living it day to day is very different, and that's ok if you feel 1 child is enough for you.

Pixiedust49 · 01/10/2025 08:28

WorriedMillie · 01/10/2025 06:44

I’m definitely not cut out for more than one child. I adore the child I have and I’m at peace with just having one ❤️

I feel exactly like this. My daughter is almost an adult now and no regrets. I’m a terrible worrier and think any more children would have driven me to breaking point.

Bearbookagainandagain · 01/10/2025 08:30

I have 2 toddlers 18 months apart by the way - it's really hard!

We didn't really think about it when trying for our second, because we wanted to do like our siblings and have a close age gap. In hindsight we made our life very difficult, at least for the first few years.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 01/10/2025 08:33

If you got pregnant tomorrow you'd have a 19 month age gap which is very short. Most people have bigger age gaps for a reason. My husband though he wanted a couple of children, then when he had one he changed his mind and realised it was harder than he thought and he didn't think he couple cope with 2. Then when my first was 18 months and sleeping, going to nursery, starting to play a bit more nicely etc he changed his mind again and agreed to another.

You don't need to make any decisions now, or any time soon really. Most people couldn't imagine another baby when they're in the trenches with a 9 month old

SalamiSammich · 01/10/2025 08:42

I felt the same and stopped at one because I knew I'd be a worse mum to two. It's such a personal feeling.

I'm really glad I stopped.

I know its probably not what you wanted to hear, but i leant into being the best mother I could be, not the mother I thought I would be. We're really happy.

Zanatdy · 01/10/2025 08:43

I have 3 but my smallest gap is 3.5yrs. Don’t even think about it for another year. Things might change, if not, one child is fine.