To not be sold on the emotional “show” the man my friend married put on at their wedding?

[DryEyeWitness]

As she walked down the aisle, I couldn’t help noticing the cameras conveniently pointed at him. Right on cue, he pulled out tissues and pretended to cry but his eyes looked bone dry. Not a tear in sight.

The thing is, narcissistic men are often great performers. They know how to look perfect in front of friends and family, and they use these moments to build a facade. So later, if things go south, people will say “he’s not like that. He adored her. He even cried at the wedding!”

AIBU to think some men just perform emotion for the optics and it can actually make things harder for women later on?

Yanbu to think it

Very performative

I suspect there's more to your dislike of him than that but I also dislike him in solidarity xx

It's possible you are right of course. Hard to know for sure.

But I am sensing you have generally a bigger problem with this guy? That he has done other stuff to make you suspect his motives in marrying her?

That might be worth mentioning in order to get more informed views and advice (if you feel comfy doing so of course - you can always change a few details if you feel it identifies your friend too much).

I think you might need to share the backstory here because without it, you just sound like a very critical, spiteful wedding guest.

So what's the backstory?

I do have some deeper concerns. I haven’t gone into detail because I’m trying to balance honesty with not airing too much about someone else’s relationship. But let’s just say I’ve seen enough red flags to be wary. The wedding moment just felt like the cherry on top, a very public display that didn’t match what I’ve observed privately. So while I know it’s easy to dismiss as overthinking, I’m questioning how often these ‘emotional’ wedding performances are more about image than genuine feeling.

Come in, settle down next to me…now, what has that bastard done to us?

The backstory is relevant though

Well, isn't a wedding all a show anyway

‘DryEyeWitness’ 🤣🤣🤣

This made me laugh too 😄

Go on op, whats he done? 😄

"I couldn't help noticing..." sounds like a Carrie Bradshaw observation 🤭. misses the point completely.

My friend has also married one of these performance husbands. He regularly updates facebook with examples of what a perfect husband he is - pictures of every gift he buys her, every place he takes her, every meal he cooks, every room he cleans, along with stomach-churning declarations of love. It’s quite nauseating. We hardly see her anymore. I’m certain that he’s a coercive narcissist. Everyone gushes and tells him how perfect he is and how lucky my friend is.

All you can do is be there ready to help her when it goes tits up.

And women don't!

😂

Meh.
All weddings are just a big 'show'. An expensive 'look at me' party. Why were you watching him and his 'bone dry' eyes rather than watching the brides entry performance?

Clearly, you don't like him though I'm sure that didn't influence your perception at all 🙄

I did wonder that too

The bride's entrance and OP is watching her DH not her?