Only children - trying to convince myself it’s ok……

[frenziednurse]

I keep trying h for another, it’s not happening……. It’s ok isn’t it? My relationship is not that great, resulting in my mental health being bad, I keep going for dd, I desperately want her to have a sibling but…….. despite trying it’s not happening, and I’m 40 next year…… yes I know it’s fine in my rational mind, but I find myself feeling bitter at the announcement of pregnancies amongst family and friends, but someone please reassure me I’m not failing ……

Much better to stop than add another child into a relationship that isn't watertight. You wouldn't be doing your DD any favours to have another child and then split up - that's a huge amount of upheaval. Better to end things if they aren't salvageable and truly enjoy your time with her.

You’re mad. You freely admit your relationship is not great and neither is your mental health. Nothing will put strain on both those things MORE than a baby.

It’s fine to have one child, especially if your relationship isn’t brilliant. Having another child is unlikely to help.

If your marriage is bad why are you trying for another?

Having a baby in such circumstances is the worst thing you can do for everyone. And to have another baby for someone else’s benefit is just so very wrong.

I have one, and it was a conscious choice. DD is absolutely happy as an only child. It’s not a medical condition that needs curing.

My daughter’s best friend is an only child. She gets loads of 1:1 time with parents. They are all super close and have some amazing holidays. Both parents can stttend her hobbies and special events. She has a few lovely friends that she spends time with also. She definitely doesn’t suffer for being an only child. My cousin is an only child and her and my auntie are best friends and take lovely holidays and trips together. Definitely some silver linings to bring an only child xx

You're not failing.

Stop right there, its not failure.

But don't have another child, its biological clock, its hormones making you want another, you know yourself, in your heart of hearts its not right to bring a child into your situation, accept that its out of your control (the yearning), and roll with it. You're not failing.

Of course it's okay, why on Earth wouldn't it be? Your dd will not miss not having a sibling.

Of course-according to a lot of reports the majority of kids will be in 1 child families soon. Most people aren't best mates with their siblings and see them rarely. Before anyone calls me a hypocrite, I freely admit having two was what I wanted-I've never said it's any better for them, it was my choice, but each would have been happy I'm sure, as they'd never have known any different. You'll get people wishing they had more siblings, but a lot more complaining their parents treat their second child as the golden child.

A second probably would have ended my marriage!

My only and his dad are laughing on the other sofa just now. So much easier to arrange life around one child, taking him to stuff, activities we all enjoy, no trying to accommodate boy/girl, age difference on holidays.

I have one - and we have the loveliest relationship. He gets plenty of 1:1 attention, undivided resources (can afford to send him to a private school, could definitely not have afforded that for two!) and he was wonderful friends (some of whom are only children too, and are practically like siblings, but siblings that don't fight). Please don't have another child for your child or to cement (or repair) your relationship - both in my opinion terrible reasons to have a child. Enjoy the child you have - and work on (or end) your relationship!