Hi All. Thanks in advance for taking the time to reply to this. I desperately need some perspective without judgement..please go easy onme. You may think this is nothing but it's significant to me and I'm considering walking away from my relationship because of it. A little background.
I'm 47 my partner is 45. We are together nearly 6 years. We are both divorced about 9 years. My marriage was quite toxic. My ex was emotionally abusive and definitely displayed some narcissist tendencies. I was broken from the marriage and divorce and spent 3 years alone to heal. Just my son and I. He still can be quite difficult as we co parent our son who is 11.
My partner has 2 children 8 and 11 also. We don't live together. We both have houses and felt it was better for the children to live apart and maintain stability for them. My son will always come first. My relationship with my partner is beautiful. I absolutely adore him and I know he adores me. He proposed last Christmas and although i never envisaged getting married again it just felt right. We tell each other daily how much we love each other so I know he loves me. He is very affectionate and supportive. He's very emotionally avaliable and we match well emotionally. We rarely argue and just have a lovely relationship apart from one thing that bothers me incrediy. I have noticed and have for a long time that he tends to stare at other attractive women. Now let me just say...if an attractive man walks by I will glance. I know it's human nature to glance and find other people attractive. I'm not a jealous woman however I respect him enough to not do it in an obvious way. He on the other hand will look at other women (not oogling) but long enough for me to notice.
This is affecting me and my confidence in a really bad way. I have brought it up gently a number of times now. I've told him igs really affecting my confidence and to just try and be more discreet as I feel deeply disrespected. He swears he doesn't do it. He does. I can see him. I'm not imagining this. I've often been in conversation with him and he half answers and I'll look at him to see him looking elsewhere. I can't even describe how hurt this makes me feel. I feel like I'm not good enough, not pretty enough, not young enough and I tear myself apart with criticism. I don't think he can change his behaviour. He said he's really sorry if I'm seeing him do this, he said he's an observant person and he will try to be more aware. So now he puts his arm round me while he does it as if it's some sort of reassurance. It has gotten to the point where at times I would rather not go out in public with him sometimes because I know he will be looking at women and I'll feel deflated. Sometimes I'll avoid sitting next to pretty females to prevent being hurt and I know that's just crazy. My confidence and self esteem is so low from this. He says all the right words but this tells me different. I know there are people out there going through affairs and you might think I need to get a grip. That's why I need advice because i am ready to leave but know I'll be heartbroken. I even suggested counselling and he agreed to go as he's adamant he's not looking in an attraction way but I disagree as most of the women are attractive blondes. If he is doing this in my company I can't even imagine the way he's staring when I'm not there. Please help.