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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Practical advice needed: parent read my mail and won’t respect boundaries

6 replies

LANA123456 · 30/09/2025 16:13

I’m currently very unwell and in treatment, but my mum is staying with me in a temporary set up. She has a history of crossing boundaries. Recently she opened and read a private therapy letter of mine (after I’d asked her not to) which contained very personal information. She promised to put it away — but yesterday, in an argument, she threw the contents back at me and made comments about what I’d “told them about her.” It made references to previous o/d attempts and welfare concerns surrounding certain family members.

It’s left me completely shaken. My trust is gone, boundaries feel pointless, and it’s re-triggered a lot of old trauma. She ignored me when I confronted her and gave no explanation.

This isn’t the first time — growing up, she often snooped and read other people’s private things, but I thought that had stopped. She’s also very critical and controlling, and I’ve been the scapegoat in the family for as long as I can remember.

Right now, I’m locking doors when I leave the house, but I worry about what she’ll go through at home when I’m not there. I have no one I can trust to protect my belongings.

AIBU not to “just get over it”? How do I handle things while she’s staying, and longer term, how can I protect myself and my privacy?

OP posts:
WatchingTheDetective · 30/09/2025 16:15

She needs to go, OP. You can't possibly recover with her in your home. She's completely out of order, both in reading your extremely private mail, and in using it against you in an argument.

What kind of mother was she to you as you grew up?

Justmuddlingalong · 30/09/2025 16:17

Get a lockable file and keep the key with you at all times. Put all paperwork you don't want her seeing in it. If she asks why, be honest about her snooping and lack of boundaries. 💐

jeremyclarksonsthirdnipple · 30/09/2025 16:29

You should not have to get over being treated so disrespectfully OP. Your privacy is of upmost importance,if She cannot abide by that then she needs to go.
Practically you could open a post office box where you and only you can collect the mail.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/09/2025 16:32

Why is she staying with you? For you or for her. If it’s for her, ask her to leave. That is the very predictable consequence of her actions and she knows it. If it’s for you, short-term, get a lockable fire-proof safe and put anything sensitive in it.

Ashersmom · 30/09/2025 16:32

Short term you need a lockable box, then get the hell away from her as quickly as possible.

Tagyoureit · 30/09/2025 17:23

Unless you physically need her to get you to the toilet, feed you and get you to the hospital, I think id throw her out.

Actually, I think I'd struggle on my own rather than being so beholden to someone who clearly has no respect for me.

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