Ex-SIL accused me of only liking her when she was depressed

[Engruntled]

I'll try and be brief 😬

BIL (DH brother) is a bit of a free spirit type, works as a DJ, spends a lot of time on the road, parties hard, you get the picture. A few years ago he met SIL (not actually married but calling her that for ease!) and very rapidly had DN1 (now 7) and DN2 (now 5). SIL was also the party type but obviously had to settle down when pregnant and having small children which BIL didn't really do, he carried on pretty much as before, hence them splitting up by the time DN2 was about 18m old.

When they first met SIL was quite dismissive of me, clearly thinking I was very boring as a mum of 3 young kids and never going anywhere/doing anything cool 😂 but when she was pregnant we started to become closer with her wanting a lot of advice about stuff like BF and home birth which I've got a lot of experience with having done it myself 3 times and also training as a midwife! And then after her and BIL split I was her main support. She was very depressed for a long time and I saw her several times a week, we did loads together and became what I thought were really good friends.

However over the last year or so BIL has stepped up (which is great, obviously) and now they have the DC 50/50 and SIL spends her weeks "off" partying hard and her weeks with the DC sending them to her mum so she can recover/work/go out more the weekend. She feels that she has finally got herself back after being lost in baby world for years.

Obviously that's her choice but it hurts a bit that she basically has gone back to considering me boring (she as good as says so sometimes, she can be quite blunt!). I feel a bit like now I'm no longer useful to her I've been ditched. I tried to say so to her, very gently, when I bumped into her at the weekend (mutual friends birthday where she made a comment about me being out for a change and trying to get me to have more drinks) and she had a go at me saying I only liked her when she was depressed. Which I suppose it must seem like to her? But it wasn't like that at all, she didn't have time for me until she was depressed!

Unsure now how to handle it, I just went home and cried a bit and tried to forget it but it's left me really hurt and doubting myself

Ex SIL op

just forget about her

and your reaction would indicate that perhaps you’d benefit from talking to someone because that is very very sensitive

Some people are just friends for a while, and that is OK. But neither of you want that to be true. She wants it to be your ‘fault’ and you want it to be hers. But you were just ships that passed in the night, nice while it lasted but not a longer term thing. Now you are back to your norms, you both feel judgemental and dismissive and blaming of the other. There’s no need for that.

Don’t feel bad about it. It’s just a passing thing.

Cut her off. She's thrown the support back in your face.

That should surely read she only liked you when she was depressed.
She doesn't sound very nice so I'd let it go to be honest.

I’d just leave her to it. You didn’t have much in common, you came together during a similar life phase, and now you’re realising again that you don’t really have much in common. Forget her, she sounds insensitive at best.

Remember her behaviour next time she needs a favour.

Just ghost her, no need to send her messages or call her or see her.

Do you have other friends op?

She's not worth any of your tears OP. Just move on

Oh come on!
Why be mean to someone. You might be made of stone but other people have human reactions

Yes

and the OP’s reaction would indicate the issue is. Broader

Just ghost her from now on. shes thrown your support back in your face. Besides that partying all the time is a bit boring, like there is way more to life than drinking yourself to oblivion every weekend.