To go no contact?

[TylerD]

I was in a very intense relationship with someone who made me completely emotionally dependent on them several years ago. When she decided to end it, she just ended it brutally and suddenly, and admittedly I didn't handle it well. I kept trying to talk to her and contact her over the phone and over messenger. In the end, she called the police on me and they gave me a warning for "harassment".

It took me a hell of a long time and a lot of work to be able to recover from the emotional dependence and abusive treatment I received from her during our relationship.

Since then, I have been in a relationship with another person for the last six months. This time, there were no fights, no drama, pretty much just a peaceful relationship. Admittedly I kept her at somewhat of a distance and didn't really let her into my thoughts and feelings like I did with my ex as I didn't want that emotional dependence again.

She has decided that, due to work and family, that she doesn't have the time for a relationship. And that also, she'd like to go travelling a lot, something I can't do as I have a child full time, and she'd like a partner she could share that with.

So we ended it. No drama. No arguments. We just parted peacefully.

However, given my past experience with my ex and what happened after that ended, I went completely no contact this time. Now she's trying to call and message quite a lot, saying that I'm ignoring her, saying that my silence is a form of abuse etc.

I'm really unsure of what to do?? If I contact her then at any time she could decide it's harassment like my ex, if I don't contact her then it's abusive???

I can't do both! So which is it? Contact or no contact? If anything, it feels like I'm the one being harassed this time!

I think some people just think this way. They have prejudices against certain groups for some reason. I believe that everyone is equal and should be treated equally, but hey ho.

And with my most recent relationship, it wasn't a "dumping" really. We talked calmly and peacefully, and just agreed that we wanted different things and we parted very peacefully. There was no drama. So it's so confusing to me now that she's acting this way.

You send one last message and say,
I’m sorry that you feel I am being unfair but for me no contact is the best way forward. Look after yourself, all the best
send it and block on everything, then ignore if she comes at you from any other routes.

It sounds like it was mutual and I’m afraid there are many people, both men and women who will make malicious police reports and the police often issue a warning to those people and it’s accepted because people don’t know their rights. No need to make the OP into a monster and it’s clear he wants to stay away from his current ex so he doesn’t sound like a scary obsessive person like you’re making him out to be.

But my ex is harassing me? And the ex who called the police on me, her ex before me she had him arrested and charged for attacking her, which she admitted didn't actually happen, it was just the easiest way to get rid of him.

Send her a respectful message saying you need to go no contact in order to move on with your life and wishing her well. Then block her. Get some counselling if this seems difficult because it is very straightforward.

Just block and delete if you are unable to navigate a middle ground without appearing to be harrassing.

Then get help with your mindset around relationships. It’s not healthy if you can only manage all in or all out.

Exactly this. Just move on.

You aren’t convincing anyone.

Stop treating women like something unpleasant on your shoe and do better.

Ok op either for whatever reason you managed to pick two exceedingly unhinged women one after the other, which must be very rare; or you are the common denominator. Either way, this isn’t worth any angst over ‘hi. Could you stop contacting me please, our relationship is over, I wish you all the best’ and then move on with your life.

I’d reply as that isn’t harassment .

Say that the relationship is over and is not abuse by ignoring her that you thought you both had closure .
You can ask her why she is contacting you and chat about things. .
If you wish to be no contact then tell her so
You don’t have to stay in contact if you don’t wish too.