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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Altercation - who was in the wrong?

17 replies

Happierthanever18 · 29/09/2025 17:51

I was at a farm park at the weekend with 8yo ds.

There were some ride on tractors on a track that were really popular. There were 5 tractors.

Ds waited patiently for about 20 minutes for a go on the tractor. There were some children who were having a few circles of the track then getting off, but some were staying on. All fine, annoying but not really my business.

No sooner did ds start his turn a big group of women and children arrived to have a go on the tractors. I decided I’d let ds circle round maybe 4-5 times which would take a few minutes. Then call him off to let someone else have a turn.

Ds hadn’t even had his first circle when a girl from the group (looked about 12) started really whining that it wasn’t fair as she wanted a turn. She’d literally been waiting less than a minute at this point.

She then approached me and started demanding that I tell the other children to get off so that she could have her turn.

I very politely told her that the other children weren’t with me, but that when my son had finished she could have a go, but that he’d only just got on and would be a few minutes.

Then she started asking me to please tell my son to get off now because she wanted a go.

By this point Ds had gone round twice I told her clearly he’d go round a couple more times and then she could have a go.

This obviously wasn’t good enough because next thing, the girl starts running over to children blocking their path asking them to get off the tractors. Most of the children were just ignoring her and then she did it to Ds. Stood in front of him blocking him and asked him to get off so that she could have a go.

All of this and Ds hadn’t even had 4 minutes on the tractors. I asked Ds if he wanted to finish his turn and he said he did.

I politely but firmly called over to the girl and asked her to stop it. To let Ds finish his turn and then she can have her turn.

At this point the mother of the girl appeared and had a right go at me for speaking nastily to her dd. She told me not to dare speak to her daughter like that and said her daughter was only asking nicely.

I wasn’t nasty and her dd was being a pita. What was I supposed to do?

Ds finished his turn and came off and went to play on something else nearby. The little girl had a turn and was then trying to kick other children off so that he friend could go on at the same time. When her mum called her off so that another child in the group could have their turn, the girl had an alright tantrum and the mother said, pointing at me “we share, not like SOME people”.

OP posts:
BallerinaRadio · 29/09/2025 17:52

Oh the drama

Wherethewildthingsfart · 29/09/2025 17:55

I would have told the mum to parent her child and then you wouldn’t have needed to ask her to stop.

Generally though in these situations when no parents are around or paying attention I tell them to go and get their parent.

Sparklesandspandexgallore · 29/09/2025 17:57

The mother sounds deranged and her daughter is a brat.

PinkFlloyd · 29/09/2025 17:58

12? I'd suspect ND and let her have the tractor.

Happierthanever18 · 29/09/2025 18:00

PinkFlloyd · 29/09/2025 17:58

12? I'd suspect ND and let her have the tractor.

I knew someone would be along to say neurodiverse.

Even if she was, she only had to wait a few minutes for her turn.

Ds had waited for ages so why should I make him get off straight away?

OP posts:
Sienna61 · 29/09/2025 18:02

I’d have something horribly condescending to the parent!

People like that need calling out otherwise they never change.

Sienna61 · 29/09/2025 18:03

PinkFlloyd · 29/09/2025 17:58

12? I'd suspect ND and let her have the tractor.

I’d suspect a poorly brought up child with inadequate parents. This constant desire to justify bad behaviour is not good.

Almost2026 · 29/09/2025 18:19

Sienna61 · 29/09/2025 18:03

I’d suspect a poorly brought up child with inadequate parents. This constant desire to justify bad behaviour is not good.

Agree you can’t call all bad behaviour ND, but generally 12 year olds don’t want to ride tractors.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 29/09/2025 18:23

Being ND isn't a get out of jail free card for kicking small children off an activity they are enjoying. If she was ND, her mother should have been close by to monitor her behaviour and help her manage her emotions around having to wait!

HedwigEliza · 29/09/2025 18:26

PinkFlloyd · 29/09/2025 17:58

12? I'd suspect ND and let her have the tractor.

Why the automatic assumption and rush to mollify and pander to bad behaviour?

Worriedalltheday · 29/09/2025 18:26

PinkFlloyd · 29/09/2025 17:58

12? I'd suspect ND and let her have the tractor.

And this is why there’s so little tolerance now. Is it an excuse now for getting away with anything?

Who cares even if she was ND? What makes anyone think they could do this.

FrauPaige · 29/09/2025 18:41

-Interact with the parent - not the child, unless your child is in danger.
-Give a simple instruction but never get into a conversation as that indicates that the child does not recognise your authority and things will get both messy and frustrating with you having to argue with a child.
-Remove your child from the apparatus/venue if bad behaviour persists.
-Remember that your child is watching and will remember the times you stick up for them as well as the times your authority is challenged and enfeebled.

Happierthanever18 · 29/09/2025 18:45

I wasn’t going to post because it was so ridiculous, but I need a sanity check.

It was the absolute nerve of the mother to have a go at me and then to suggest we weren’t sharing.

I can’t get my head round how the mother could possibly think their behaviour was ok.

OP posts:
LouH1981 · 29/09/2025 18:56

So Mum is available to start on you but not to
assist her daughter when she needed it?

You did the right thing.

Its always the polite children who get taken advantage of with these types of things 😡

Happierthanever18 · 29/09/2025 19:10

LouH1981 · 29/09/2025 18:56

So Mum is available to start on you but not to
assist her daughter when she needed it?

You did the right thing.

Its always the polite children who get taken advantage of with these types of things 😡

Exactly, nowhere to be seen until she wanted to have a go. All could have been prevented if she’d simply told her dd to wait her turn.

OP posts:
Whereismyfleeceblanket · 29/09/2025 19:13

Smile smugly at the life that dm wil be having for many years to come.
Bratty entitled fuckers.

Owly11 · 29/09/2025 19:18

Like mother like daughter.

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