To think some women stay in bad relationships because they’re addicted to the drama?

[HappyTealQuail]

It’s not always low self-esteem. Sometimes it’s boredom. Or the thrill of chaos disguised as “passion.”

I think it's true for men and women. Those who equate constant stress with 'being real' or some such shit. As you say, some people mistake it for passion, for excitement. It's how they get their adrenal kicks I guess.

I’d guess they have some good times and mistake bad times for passion. I wouldn’t use the word drama really.

I think it’s time you stopped posting offensive clickbait questions with zero interest in the answers, and got a life.

Why do you specify women OP? What do you think men stay in bad relationships for?

Agree with a lot of the responses so far. It’s not just something only women do. It’s not a moral failing either.

I focused on women because that’s what I’ve seen most in my own circles but you’re right that it’s not gender-exclusive. That said, I do think the reasons sometimes differ. In my experience, some women confuse drama with passion or feel deeply loyal even when it’s destructive. For men, I’ve more often seen them stay due to guilt, control or fear of starting over. But both genders can get addicted to dysfunction, it just wears different masks.

If you are used to heightened tension and grow up in chaos, then that is your familiar place.

You like being febrile, and are either giddy with excitement or releasing anxiety. Arrested development.

Very small minded to think men don’t go for drama. Are you male or female?

I read the posts and rare time they reply in an Alexa/Google type robot voice. The tone is spot on.

Dull. Look up hysteria / trauma bonding.

I literally said men stay in dysfunctional relationships too, just sometimes for different reasons. Your need to leap to insults (“very small-minded”) says more about you than it does about me. Also… not that it matters but I’m a woman. You?

It’s not an insult, it’s an opinion, this is a deliberately goady thread containing your small minded views. I’m a woman.

I have a perennially single friend who picks absolute disaster boyfriends, is always upset when it doesn't work out, and when I advised her to pick a nice man who won't mess her around she said she doesn't want to settle for someone if it's not exciting and fun, and that she likes the bad boys
🫣

It's well known that these dramatic push/pull scenarios increase all sorts of addictive chemicals in the brain as well as making you think you have "butterflies" when this is anxiety. Love Bombing and Coercive control use this as a manipulation tactic. Domestic abuse victims often don't speak out because they worry that they have caused the "dramas" and fawning (as in fight/flight/fawn) is only just being recognised as part of this.

Society has a messed up concept of what love feels like and it isn't helped with films like Love Actually with men being encouraged to stalk and wear women down.

This.

I know two of these types 🙄

Sounds very unlikely to me. What evidence do you have, OP?

YABVU

This can occur in other contexts - it is sometimes easier to quit your job and find another, when everything is going well, but if your boss is hell on earth, oddly it can tie you to it. The thought you have to stick with it, and fix it, like it's a challenge, coupled with the consequent low self-esteem in assuming nowhere else will have you.

This.

Hi everyone, this may come across as a “poor me” post, I don’t mean it to be….
I started in my current job about a year ago. I’m in my mid 50’s and am the bottom of the food chain in my job, I’m invisible. A couple of ladies there are very kind but ver glamorous. I can tell I’m looked down on my the other women who are financially better off than me (me and my partner work to survive, not work to live, no spare cash for anything)
when I started my job I was very confident but have been very overweight since menopause; NOTHING will shift it. I’ve had blood tests at doctors, everything is fine. I’ve piled on 5 stone very fast. I’ve tried fasting, diet plans, exercise classes, weight training classes but nothing. I’m thinking of looking into cortisol problems but my cortisol/adrenal function came back fine.
I used to wear red lipstick (red has always been my colour for lipstick and clothes and always had different headscarves in my hair but over the past year all I wear now is black. I noticed when I started work they would look at me with a look of wtf have you got in your hair, or wearing type vibe hence the now dull clothing but I do struggle to find nice clothes for my size. They are all very thin but it’s how they treat me. I’d never wear red lipstick now or put a red headscarf in, it used to look nice with my very thick naturally curly hair. They’ve made me feel ugly and unworthy. I was never the kind of person who would allow people to make me feel like shit or not good enough. They all go out socially yet I’m never invited which doesn’t really bother me as I am very busy with my friends and family, I just find it rude, bad mannered and very high school!! There’s one woman in particular who thinks she’s gorgeous, she’s not. But since they’re all on skinny jabs they are now looking really good. I can’t afford these jabs but also I’d be too nervous to use these jabs. The awful woman reckons she’s not using them anymore! Of course she is! She bullshits about everything! I think what I’m trying to say is I find it bullying but in a way I can’t put my finger on. Being left out and ignored can I believe be as upsetting as actual bullying. I could come to work wearing all new clothes and actually feel a little bit happy with myself yet no one says a word although they’ll compliment each other constantly. I don’t need validation and friends say get myself fit and slim; that’s the best revenge but how??!! How when I spend so much time exercising but never see any difference! I want to leave and find somewhere else to work. I’ve never before worked alongside such rude, passive aggressive people. Some days they’ll speak to me, other days I’m ignored totally. I don’t know if it’s my age? I am the oldest one there but why should that matter? I’ve worked with younger women before who were great to work with!
sorry for the long post, I just feel so ugly and invisible. I was quite pretty when I was younger, lots of people have told me and in fact, when these women saw my younger photos on Facebook they said god weren’t you pretty once. How hurtful is that hey?

I think it’s true that some people, men and women, don’t seem to be able to live their lives without some kind of affected, usually self-inflicted or self-created “drama” going on.

There's a theory by Anton Bentovim who developed the assessment framework in children's social care called 'trauma induced relationships'.

Basically he says some people's arousal levels are so much higher due to trauma that they seek out drama as they simply cannot function at a lower, chilled level. In essence, developmentally due to trauma the brain has grown to expect to be 'on edge ', 'fight or flight ' all the time etc.
I used to have a friend just like this. Her life, to me, was exhausting..one drama after another. Even when things were on an even keel she'd do something to create a storm. By her own admission having a calm life was boring to her. She had a huge history of trauma.

It’s the drama Mick, they love it

Yes, I agree.

One of my mates from school is Bengali and has been with an Indian man since school. She lives with him in his parent’s house, living with his parents, his grandparents, his brother and brother’s wife & child.

She’s constantly saying how his family don’t treat her as part of the family, she’s seen as “low caste” due to being Bengali, she’s left out of family events, the brother’s wife is treated better etc. After like a decade of hearing this, I’m just like not sure what to say as she’s not going to do anything.

They’re not engaged and he seems quite resistant to commitment. I think she secretly likes the drama and sees it as better than having a “failed” relationship.