Trauma

[Imgettingfuckintired]

Hi

I have started therapy and have been diagnosed. PTSD I keep remembering when I was a teenager my mum holding me down sitting on me till I couldn’t breathe and screaming at me. I remember having to lie and say I was pregnant so she would eventually get off and I could run off
I remember feeling lost and always forgiving her because I had no one else
she would deny this today if I said anything it makes me feel crazy like iv made it up
but I feel so angry at the things she’s done

has anything like this happened to anyone else? It sounds strange but I feel like I can’t work out is it bad or am I being dramatic all these years later

YANBU. How long have you been going for therapy? I would hope your experience would be validated by your therapist. However, since you are asking here, perhaps you are having trouble trusting him/her? That wouldn't be that unusual in the early stages after such an awful experience with your mother.

I haven’t said yet - I was always told I was a liar by my mum and lying about everything so it’s weird but I doubt myself and feel very disloyal

Tell these stories in therapy. It was the experience of having someone acknowledge and react to what I said happened to me that made it all start to make sense. Like it wasn’t until I told the story that I realised how crazy and abnormal those things were. Your therapist should validate your feelings and challenge your perceptions of things that happened to you. If it hasn’t already been suggested, you may consider EMDR.

Yes, take it to therapy. It's scary but worth it.