To ask if you’ve ever done things in life just because you thought you should at that age?

[TickBoxNotTickTock]

Someone I know (she’s in her mid-40s now) mentioned she bought her place when she turned 30, not because she especially wanted to but because she panicked. She realised she was 30 and still renting, and felt like she should have that sorted by then.

She also mentioned that her partner (who had a kid before they were in a relationship) admitted he only had a child with his ex because he got to his late 30s and starting panicking about not having one.

It got me thinking, how many of us make big life decisions because of this pressure to hit certain milestones “on time?” Jobs, buying property, having kids, getting married, not necessarily because we’re ready or even want to, but because we feel we should?

Have you ever made a big life decision because of age pressure and did you regret it?

I used to go clubbing because all my friends went, but I hated the atmosphere, the smells, the sweat, the expense, the music.

Yes. I got married at 27. He was a nice person, traditional family, good career, mirrored my family's ambitions but with his flaws (same as everyone). I was so wrapped up in the wedding I didn't really consider what marriage might look like. I don't think he did either as it fell to pieces after 2 years. I still feel very ashamed about it two decades later. I hope he has a good life.

No, but I find it easier to make a life changing big decision than to decide what to have for dinner.

I think that was my whole life up until about 10 years ago, unfortunately!

I went to uni straight after school even though I wanted to wait a year because I thought I should (and my parents thought I should!) and the rest of my friends were going and I didn’t want to be left behind. In hindsight I really wish I had waited a year or two.

Likewise with graduate job, I took a job 600 miles away because it was a “good” employer/industry and it was all that had been offered to me. I wasn’t sure what to do but the rest of my friends had got their grad jobs and again, my parents thought it was a good idea. It probably was the best thing to do at the time but it was very difficult and I’ve since left the industry so it feels like it was all for nothing.

But it all made me who I am today and I’ve turned out alright I think.

I got married at 22 and stayed because it was expected. No one in our family had ever been through a divorce and it was frowned upon. Then I did and stopped giving a shit about what other people think. Never been happier.

No, I don't think so, though it can be difficult to untangle your real reasons for doing things. I was definitely feeling it was time to settle down when I met future dh, but I wouldn't have stayed with him long-term or married him if he hadn't been the right person. We've been happily married for over 20 years. Having children - same. By the time dh and I were married I was 32 so I didn't want to wait too long, but I'd always intended to have kids anyway.